We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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I’ve gotten myself into a haram relationship with a non-muslim man. How do I navigate asking him to become Muslim and keeping things halal as they’ve already gone past what is considered halal? I feel really guilty about this, but feel too attached and scared to let go.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

My dear sister, I have to be completely honest with you: You deserve to be with someone who will care for your soul and look out for your akhirah. Based on this alone, I would walk away from this as a potential partner and put yourself and your soul first. In Islam, there is no room for a romantic relationship with someone who is not Muslim, and I say this not to be harsh but because I want the best for you, both in this life and in the next. 

I know you feel deeply attached, and I don’t doubt that your emotions are real. But as believers, we are reminded time and time again that this dunya is a test. Our hearts will be pulled toward things that feel good in the moment, but not everything that feels good is good for us. True love, the kind that nourishes rather than depletes, must be rooted in what pleases Allah ﷻ. 

Holding on to something impermissible will never bring lasting peace. The guilt you feel is a sign that your heart is still connected to your faith, and that is a mercy from Allah. Take this as an opportunity to turn back to Him before this attachment pulls you further away.

Consider reflecting on what’s truly holding you back from letting go of this relationship. Is it the fear of loneliness or the difficulty of starting over? These concerns are completely understandable, but it sounds like your heart already knows something isn’t right. You’ve thought about letting go, but fear has been holding you back. Lean into that feeling, you already know what needs to be done. Remember that Allah knows best, and He always has a better plan for you. Trust Him, and let go for His sake, even if it feels too hard.

Allah promises that when you let go of something for His sake, He will replace it with something far greater, even if you can’t see it yet. “And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them.” (Surah At-Talaq 65:2-3) 

The foundation of a relationship matters, and in Islam, being with someone who isn’t Muslim is not an option. It’s not just about keeping things halal in action but also about whom you build your life with: someone who will remind you of Allah, help you grow in faith, and safeguard your akhirah. Right now, I sense that you’re trying to find a way to keep both your connection with him and your connection with Allah, but the truth is that’s not a balance that can be sustained.

As for asking him to become Muslim, I’d encourage you to reflect on whether it’s coming from a place of deep conviction for him or as a way to keep the relationship alive. If someone is to embrace Islam, it must be for Allah alone, not as a means to make things work between you two. Even then, the past boundaries that have been crossed mean this is not the right foundation for a marriage.

I know walking away feels impossible right now, but I promise you that when you choose Allah, you will never truly lose. Letting go may feel like heartbreak now, but what you gain—peace, clarity, and the love of your Creator will be worth so much more. 

I pray Allah grants you the strength to do what is best for your deen and your heart and that He replaces this with something greater for you in both this life and the next. Ameen.

Love + duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.