Losing a loved one is perhaps one of the hardest things to experience in life, bringing with it a wave of emotions such as sorrow, heartbreak, shock and confusion. The grieving process can be difficult, and it is certainly not linear. There is not really a ‘right’ way to grieve, nor is there a deadline on how long one may grieve. 

In Islam, when someone passes away, certain obligations fall on the community and family, like giving ghusl to the deceased, offering janazah prayer and the burial. These rituals uphold the dignity of those who passed. 

Yet, once the formalities are over and friends and family go back to their lives, many of us are left with an aching absence and a struggle. How do we cope with the void our loved ones have left behind, honouring them beyond the janazah and making sure we stay connected to them?

We asked the Amaliah community how they honour the memory of their loved ones, and here’s what they shared.

Preparing a Eulogy for Them

For some people, reminiscing about happy times, a funny incident, or simply sharing their stories helps keep a loved one alive in their hearts.

One reader shared, “My nana bhai had a strong belief in education for us, his grandchildren. I honour his memory and belief in the power of education through retelling his stories, his practice of teaching my sister and me. And I dedicated my thesis to him.”

Another sister wrote, “In the days following the death of my grandmother, all of us cousins would just sit together, drinking copious amounts of chai, reminiscing about our childhood, the delicious food my Nani Ma used to make and the fond memories we had of her mock scolding us. Everyone had a different favourite memory that made us laugh and cry. To outsiders, we probably looked disrespectful, laughing while we should be mourning, but those moments gave us all a chance to heal by honouring her memory with those who loved her most.”

Not everyone is ready to talk about a lost loved one right away, and that’s okay. When you are ready, sharing their stories can help you process your grief and remember them fondly.

Create Traditions in Their Honour

It is said that grief is love enduring, and many in our community keep that love alive by doing the things their loved ones enjoyed the most. These include but aren’t limited to cooking their favourite dishes, organising activities they enjoyed with friends and family, or even hosting a small charity run in their name.

“Every death anniversary of loved ones in my family, we prepare, cook and eat together the deceased’s favourite food whilst reminiscing about them.” 

“My father loved travelling and visiting museums. On his first death anniversary, my siblings and I visited his favourite museum and walked a route familiar and well-loved by him. It sounds silly, but we felt he would have really liked that.”

These little celebrations don’t take the sadness away, but can help us feel close to them through the things they loved most.

Reading the Qur’an

Many of us turn to worship and remembrance of Allah ﷻ in times of grief and loss, and a lot of people find comfort in making du’a for their deceased loved ones and reading the Qur’an.

As Allah reminds us, “Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.” (Surah Ar-R’ad 13:28) 

One sister shared, “We recite Surah Yaseen for them on every death anniversary.”

Another reflected, “Reading from my dad’s copy of the Qur’an, which he taught me tajweed from.” 

Carry their Legacy Forward

Many people mentioned wanting to carry on the spirit of loved ones who were known for generosity, kindness, or hospitality. Passing on what they taught us, whether it’s a recipe, a saying, or a small lesson, helps keep their presence alive.

“Whenever I want to impress someone, I’ll make my mother’s chicken karahi. It’s the homiest of desi chicken curries, but also the first one I’ll reach out to when I need to be grounded in all that I stand for; when I need to remember who I am and where I come from and why I do what I do.” – Thesis, Sleeplessness, and the Hunger of the Grieving by Mariam Vakani

Perhaps they volunteered, mentored someone, or were active in the community, and many families continue those acts as a way to carry forward their legacy.

“After my dad died, so many people came up to us, sharing the ways he had quietly helped them throughout his life, things we never knew about. Now I try to carry on his legacy by noticing when someone around me needs help and quietly making things a little easier for them.”

Honour Them While They are Living

A reader reflected, “Honour them while they are living. Give sadaqah jariyah in their name so that when they pass, I’ll have something to reassure me and they have an everlasting reward inshaAllah.” 

It’s a reminder that we don’t have to wait to celebrate someone until they are gone. Noticing the little things, appreciating them and being kind now is also part of honouring their life.

Keep a Sentimental Reminder Close by

Sometimes, you feel a connection to a loved one through objects that hold sentimental memories. This could be an item of clothing, jewellery, or even a well-used book.

As one sister shared about her wedding day, “Wearing our mother’s gold. On the day of my nikah, my sister and I had a private golden moment where she dressed me in my mother’s gold bangles. So bittersweet, we almost ruined our make-up. We were babies when she transitioned, but 27 years later her legacy lives on.” 

Give in Charity on Their Behalf

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “When a man dies all his good deeds come to an end except three: Ongoing charity (Sadaqah Jariyah), beneficial knowledge and a righteous son who prays for him.” (Sunan An-Nasa’i)

Giving charity in someone’s name allows their legacy to live on and is a beautiful way to keep their memory alive and benefit them even after they’ve passed.

As one sister shared, “When my husband died, the undertaker told me that there are so many Muslims who cannot afford to bury their dead. So I donate regularly to the Three Rivers Trust when they have appeals to raise funds for a Muslim burial in the UK.” 

Grief will always come and go, as one never really stops missing the people they have lost. Some days it can hit hard and overwhelm us, other days it may be quiet and bearable. There is no end date to the process, only different ways of coping. 

It never fully disappears either; grief is a form of love that stays with us. However, finding small ways to remember loved ones and keep their presence alive can make the weight of loss a little easier to carry.