First, I guess I’ll start by saying to anyone who is dealing with heartbreak right now, it happens to almost everyone, and it is as normal as life and death. The comfort you should find in that is the understanding that what you are feeling isn’t something that no one has ever felt before. It may be your first heartbreak so it may be new to you, but some people are very familiar and experienced when it comes to heartbreak. So trust me, the universe isn’t singling you out. Next, it makes sense for me to tell you how much I understand your pain and how exactly I went from walking with the pain you’re walking with now to the fully healed spirit I walk with now

My own meet cute

I fell in love in 9th grade and it lasted until 12th grade. That’s about as much of the story you need to know because the details don’t matter. The initial love I had for the person and the heartbreak that happened afterwards is what is important. Love can be exhilarating, it can be fun, warm, and comforting. It can be everything good. It feels good to be in love. It is a high both figuratively and literally and so when heartbreak comes- because it always does- that crash is unlike anything else you’ve ever felt before. You feel it in your chest and on your shoulders. It’s almost palpable. Really attempting to explain it is futile because there are no words. It just hurts. So bad. It really, really hurts. And it doesn’t get better for a very long time. You swim in that pain for a while without drowning but never reaching the surface to lift your head above water, until one day you finally do. That’s just how it is. You never get over heartbreak. You move through it. There is no escaping your heart. There is only treating it slowly with time.

The lessons

What heartbreak taught me was that I wasn’t just unlucky, and while the universe wasn’t picking just on me, God was. Simply put, love is a lot of great things. But built on the wrong foundation, with the wrong bricks and by the wrong architect, it will collapse on top of you and you will have to see yourself out of the rubble. I believe in my heart of hearts that God wills it that way. So that is how it will always be. Any love that is unhealthy and void of God will fail. Read that, take it in, re-read it again.T he love I had for that particular individual was obsessive, unhealthy, and void of God. So he took it from me, and I bled, I learned, I prayed, and cried, and continued to pray, until one day I woke up and I felt the remnants completely gone.

“The heartaches of this Dunya, keep reminding us that we shouldn’t have ever attached hearts to anything/one but Allah in the first place.” I find nothing else to be more of a testament to God’s power than his ability to know our hearts desires, know what is sickly and what is healthy, and remove them or replace them from our lives right before our eyes.

The moment you love anyone or anything to the point that it distracts you from your Iman or you venture in worshipping another human being, he will end it. That is truly beautiful if you ask me. Because if he didn’t, how many of us would leave partners we know are no good? How many of us would know how to say, “no” to someone we love?

God knows how love clouds our judgement

God is love, he knows its power, he knows its ability to cloud our judgment and faith. Sometimes he will take people from us that we love just to test our faith. Do you love anyone more than you love him? Do only love him when things in your life go according to plan? This can even be applied to death. It’s okay to grieve, to feel pain, but at a certain point do you lose your Iman? Often times we forget that Allah is the one constant. He is the beginning and end. It is from him we come and it is to him we shall return. So when dealing with heartbreak remember that it shouldn’t and can’t break you. He didn’t create you to be broken by any other mere mortal. He created you to love and worship him alone.

It definitely gets better

Another thing you should remember is that life goes on and it gets better. It isn’t until that day you wake up and feel those remnants as distant memories that you will understand. At first, you think you won’t ever love another person the way you loved that person. You think there is no one else out there. You feel that this gaping hole in your chest and mind will never close. I get it. I felt it. But trust me when I say you will love again. But the second time around you will be smarter, stronger, wiser and more faithful to God in that love. That is the only way to achieve a successful love experience in my opinion. Because love is irrational and the only thing that rules over both the rational and irrational is God himself. You won’t find another source of love and solace than with Allah himself.

So that’s a synopsis of what God taught me. I know what you’re feeling right now. And I know that my words alone can’t change your pain immensely. But it costs you nothing to pray. Pray for guidance, ask God to remove this pain from your spirit, and make an effort to clear your mind. You will find peace, trust me. It just takes time.

Fatima Bamba

Hard but Beautiful Lessons Allah Taught Me About Heartbreak