I will teach my son that actions reflect character and so he must hold himself accountable before he is ever held accountable.

I will teach him that giving in is not the same as giving up,

that it’s always better to acknowledge when you mess up

because knowing when you’re wrong is what makes it right.

I will tell my son that society will give him labels in order to define him but to understand that it’s only his character that can do that for him.

I will constantly remind him that it’s his character that shapes him not the superhero characters they created to shape him.

That the likes of Superman and Batman are nothing more than the figments of some old man’s imagination.

That the scope of his world lies beyond those created out of another person’s imagination.

Related: Letters to Your Younger Self series

I will teach my son that the same world that builds him up, will also knock him down.

That they will shape him and mould him, only to try and break him.

That we live in a world where we tell our boys to be men but have none that show them how.
So trust no one because the same men that tell you what it means to be a man are the very ones who will hurt you

and then tell you men don’t cry.

I will warn him that the world we live in will put you in a cage and take you outside so you don’t notice you’re still inside.

That they will tell you, your actions speak louder than words, just so you stay quiet.

They will give you a voice but take the words you need to use it,

and then somehow convince you that your strength should only be measured in the most physical parts of you.

I will teach my son because if I do not, how will he know that in our world men are told to keep the lid on even when there’s a fire brewing deep within them?

That when they have questions, they’re told to keep their heads down because real men just do and don’t ask why.

That they’re encouraged not to talk and when they need to let off steam, they’re told they just need to take a walk.

If I do not teach him these things, who else will tell him that this is not okay?

I will teach my son that his worth is not defined by his masculinity,

Nor is his strength measured by how strong he is but in the way he chooses to carry himself.

That despite what society tells him, it doesn’t matter how loud he is

because it’s his words that add volume to his speech not the volume he uses when he speaks.

That his voice has the power to give or take so to always choose his words carefully.

I want him to understand that, to think before you speak is more than simply being aware of what he says.

I will remind my son that to be more than, he needs to do more than what is expected of him.

That he needs to raise the bar and challenge the standards set for him, so that somewhere at least the cycle can be broken.

That “boys will be boys” can never apply to him because my job will always be to teach him how to be a better man; that the difference between the two is more than the age gap that separates them.

I will teach my son first, so that when they tell him the curves of a woman are the only thing he needs to know about her, he will already know that the depth of a woman’s character lies beyond the width of her waist.

I want him to understand why her worth can never be hidden in the curves of her body;that it’s his responsibility to learn how her mind is shaped before he ever tries to learn the shape of her body.

I will warn him that society will show him how to break her and then tell him she’s been broken,that they will tell him in order to use his voice he must take hers.

That they will teach him to speak words without knowing what their worth is, then tell him to take things that were never his to begin with.

I want him to know that she is hers before she is ever his.

That her world does not revolve around his.

So when she tells him that he’s part of her world, he will understand that she has given him the most fragile parts of hers.

I will teach my son that there’s more to life; that being a man doesn’t mean your drive is driven by a sex drive.

That having a one track mind doesn’t mean he’s focused but that he’s lost focus.

That to not respect a woman is just another way to lose respect for himself.

That for every heart he breaks, simply put; he breaks a piece of

Khadija Mahamud

Letter to My Son: I Will Tell My Son That “Boys Will Be Boys” Can Never Apply to Him