We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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I’m really struggling with how to approach my mum about getting therapy. She’s in her later years and has lived through so much trauma and hurt, and it’s clear it’s had a lasting effect on her. Over the years, she’s become increasingly bitter, and it’s hard to see her carry this pain without addressing it. She’s been through a lot, and I know therapy could help her heal, but I’m not sure how to bring it up in a way that won’t make her feel defensive or rejected. How do I talk to her about this, or how to gently guide her toward seeking help?

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for reaching out. It’s clear that you care deeply for your mum. Watching a loved one, especially a mother, carry so much pain without having the support they need can be incredibly difficult. Your intent to help her find peace is beautiful and thoughtful.

When approaching your mum about therapy, it’s helpful to understand why older generations may hesitate. Many were raised to keep personal struggles private, and therapy can carry a stigma. She may feel it’s unnecessary, a luxury, or even that she’s too old to benefit. These beliefs can make it hard for her to view therapy as a positive and healing step.

When initiating the conversation, approach it with love and care, rather than urgency or frustration. Be gentle and specific, saying something like, “I’ve noticed things have been tough for you lately, and I think it could help to talk to someone who really understands how to support people through these kinds of challenges.” This shifts the focus from “fixing a “problem” or singling her out to offering support and growth.

If she’s unsure, validate her concerns. You could say, “I understand it might feel strange to open up to someone you don’t know—that’s completely normal. Therapists are trained to help people work through those feelings.” Acknowledging her reservations shows respect and helps her feel heard while gently encouraging her to give it a try. It’s also important to express why her well-being matters to you. Try saying, “I’ve seen what you’ve been through, and I just want you to have the support you deserve to feel better.”

This reassures her that seeking therapy isn’t about dismissing her feelings but about finding the right help for her journey.

One thing that might help is explaining therapy in a relatable and tangible way. You can explain that seeing a therapist is like seeing any other specialist. For example, if someone has a heart issue, they see a cardiologist. If their bones are in pain, they visit an orthopedic doctor. Similarly, if someone is struggling with their thoughts and feelings, a psychiatrist or psychologist is the specialist for the mind. Just like any other organ, the mind can experience stress or trauma, and it’s important to see a doctor who can help, especially if those feelings are interfering with daily life. 

You could also share with her that just as anyone can experience heart problems, everyone is susceptible to mental health challenges. The earlier someone seeks help, the sooner they can start healing. Seeing a doctor for depression is just as important as going to the doctor for any physical illness. 

If you’ve been on a therapy journey, you can share your experience and how therapy has helped you, whether it’s given you tools to cope or just provided a space to process your feelings. By speaking from your own experience, you’ll not only normalise therapy but also show her that it’s not about fixing something broken, but about finding the support we all need at times. 

The key here is to approach these conversations gently, so it doesn’t feel like a confrontation. Maybe even bring it up casually, so she doesn’t feel like she’s being told what to do. You can also encourage regular mental health check-ups, just like physical ones. Sometimes, simply addressing the idea that therapy can be a proactive tool, not just a last resort, can help break down some stigma.

In addition to these conversations, keep making du’a for your mother,

أَذْهِبِ الْبَاسَ رَبَّ النَّاسِ، اشْفِ وَأَنْتَ الشَّافِي لاَ شِفَاءَ إِلاَّ شِفَاؤُكَ، شِفَاءً لاَ يُغَادِرُ سَقَمًا

Adhhib al-ba’sa Rabb an-naas, ishfi wa anta ash-Shaafi, la shifaa’a illa shifaa’uk, shifaa’an la yughaadiru saqamaa

“Take away the disease, O the Lord of the people! Cure him as You are the One Who cures. There is no cure but Yours, a cure that leaves no disease.” (Bukhari)

If your mother doesn’t respond well immediately, try not to be discouraged. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is to keep having these gentle, non-judgmental conversations that gradually plant the idea in her mind. With patience, understanding, and du’a, you’ll help her see that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a way to take care of herself.

It’s also important to remember that if your mum does agree to go to therapy, it may not unfold the way you hope. Simply having access to the tools doesn’t mean she’ll immediately become introspective or ready to embrace change. Growth takes time, and her journey may not align with your expectations.

However, knowing you’ve done everything possible to support her before stepping back can bring you peace. You’re not responsible for the outcome, but offering her the opportunity shows your love and care. Ultimately, her willingness to engage with the process is something only she can decide.

May Allah bless your mum with peace and healing, and may He grant you strength and wisdom in this journey. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.