We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salam. Every time the new year begins, I feel really motivated and ready to take on new challenges. I make resolutions, set goals, and feel determined to improve myself. But as the weeks go by, I get bogged down by my routine and work, and soon my motivation fades. Before I know it, I’ve let go of the changes I wanted to make. I really want to stay committed to these changes and make lasting improvements in my life, but I struggle to maintain focus. How can I stay consistent and truly commit to the positive changes I’m aiming for this year?

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

It’s wonderful that you’re starting the year with such determination and hope—there’s something so refreshing about the promise of new beginnings. It’s a time when we all feel like we can become a better version of ourselves, and you’ve already made that step by setting intentions for positive change.

That said, as you have realised, change is no small feat. It’s exciting in the beginning, but when the novelty wears off and routines get busy, even the best intentions can fizzle out. You’re not alone in feeling this—it’s a pattern many people experience. Year after year, we approach our goals with so much hope, but then life happens, and the same old habits creep back in. The truth is, most resolutions fail not because we’re lazy or unmotivated, but because the way we approach them isn’t sustainable.

Reflect on the ‘Why’ Behind Your Goals

Take a moment to reflect on where your goals come from. Are they rooted in what you genuinely want, or are they shaped by what you think you should be doing? Often, we adopt goals because they’re popular—saving money, losing weight, or picking up a new skill—not because they deeply resonate with us, but because we feel they’ll make us look better to others. There’s nothing wrong with these goals in themselves, but if they don’t feel true to you, it’s harder to stay committed when things get tough.

To figure out whether a goal is truly meaningful, ask yourself, “Why is this important to me?” Keep digging deeper by asking, “And why is that important?” until you uncover the emotional core of your goal. When your aim feels personal and meaningful, it becomes easier to stay committed. Write down your “big why” somewhere accessible and revisit it every few days to keep you grounded and motivated.

Prioritising with a ‘To Do’ and ‘Not Yet’ List

Meaningful change thrives on clarity and simplicity. Start by brainstorming a list of everything that excites or inspires you. Then, split them into two categories:

• To-Do List: Goals you’re truly passionate about or need to achieve.
• Not Yet List: Goals that are nice ideas but not essential right now.

For example, if you want to lose weight, learn Arabic, read 25 books, and run a 5K, but you’re working 40 hours a week, focus on what’s realistic. Shelving some goals doesn’t mean you’re giving up on them forever—it just means they’re on pause, freeing up your mental space to fully focus on what truly matters to you in this season of life.

Break The Goals into Bite-Size Steps

Take your “To Do” list and map it out into a 12-month plan and then further into 3 months at a time. The 12-Week Year podcast or book explains this approach brilliantly. When you break your big goals into smaller milestones, they start to feel achievable. Then divide those milestones further into weekly or even daily steps. 

For example, if running a 5K is your goal, start by running for 10 minutes and gradually increase over time. You can also use programmes like Couch to 5K to make progress feel manageable. 

Build Habits, Not Just Goals

A big game-changer is understanding that it’s habits—not just writing down goals—that create lasting change. Goals give you direction, but habits are what carry you there. For example, instead of focusing solely on running a 5K, commit to the habit of running three times a week. 

Set reminders in your calendar or diary to track these smaller steps, so they stay present in your mind without becoming overwhelming. Even if you lose sight of the goal, consistent habits will still move you forward. As the Prophet ﷺ said, “The most beloved deed to Allah is the most regular and constant even if it were little.” (Bukhari)

Be Kind to Yourself

It’s also important to ensure that your goals are manageable and don’t place unnecessary strain on you mentally or emotionally. Goals should uplift you, not overwhelm you as they’re meant to be stepping stones toward growth, not sources of guilt. It’s okay to move slowly—progress doesn’t have to be perfect. 

And let’s not forget the reality of life—it’s not always smooth sailing. Motivation will dip, routines will get disrupted, and setbacks might happen. But that’s okay. Progress doesn’t have to be perfect. If you miss a step, just reset and keep going. The key is to keep coming back, even if it feels messy or imperfect. 

Focus on Discipline over Motivation

When you feel your motivation fading, go back to your intention. Remind yourself why you started. A lot of the time it comes down to discipline over motivation. Surround yourself with tools and support—whether that’s a friend who keeps you accountable, a du’a for strength, or even a physical reminder of your goal. And be kind to yourself through it all. Change is hard, but with patience and persistence, it’s absolutely possible.

This process isn’t about proving anything to anyone; it’s about growing in a way that feels meaningful to you. Change takes time, and it’s built on small, steady steps forward. You’ve already taken the first step—trust in yourself and keep going. You’ve got this. May Allah bless your efforts and grant you success in all that you strive for. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.