We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salam. I need some help. I feel I have OCD. Whenever I go to the bathroom to do wudhu for prayers, I start cleaning the bathroom. Before I sit on the toilet, I give it a good clean, then wash myself, then when I am finished, I clean it again for the next person. Then I go to the sink to wash my hands; I then make sure the sink is spotless for the next person. To do the rest of my wudhu, I go into the shower and have a proper body shower instead of just doing wudhu; then I clean the whole shower and make sure it’s spotless for the next person. This is the same every day. I have tried and tried to keep my focus on just doing wudhu, but somehow the hygiene comes first. I have tried everything, but it does not work. Almost every day I spend two or three hours in the bathroom, and my whole family is on my case all the time, plus I am wasting so much time that I could be doing something useful. I pray all the time for Allah to guide me, but I am really struggling.

Aunt Maya Responds:

Asalamu alaykum,

I am incredibly sorry to hear that you are dealing with this, thank you for sharing these experiences so openly. What you describe sounds exhausting, and it is clear that it is now impacting your life in a significant way. Well done for coming forward and seeking out ways to overcome this; it’s a brave first step.

It certainly sounds like this is more than normal levels of cleanliness. It is impossible to make any judgements here, but as you have already identified, this could be OCD, and I therefore strongly urge you to go to your GP and explain what is happening to seek support and potentially a formal diagnosis. If your doctor identifies an underlying cause to these behaviours, then they will be able to help you find ways of coping; they might offer you counselling, talking therapy or even medication. Pursuing this will enable you to discover coping mechanisms and hopefully get you back to a point where you can centre the act of worship itself instead of becoming consumed with cleaning in preparation.

Religious OCD, also referred to as scrupulosity, is something that does impact an increasing number of people around the world. An estimated 10-33% of people with generalised OCD may go on to experience religious OCD. 

In fact, a recent study published in the Journal of the British Islamic Medical Association found that Muslims are more likely to experience symptoms of religious OCD than people of other faiths. With this in mind, I think your first step needs to be seeking professional medical help to look into the root cause of this, for example, an underlying anxiety disorder that is now manifesting as religious OCD. This is just a recommendation based on what you said, without knowing your situation in detail or being medically qualified. However, it may be worth exploring. You can also read our article on Dealing with Religious OCD.

It sounds very much like this is something outside of your control, and so I would urge you to approach yourself with kindness, love and understanding. Ask Allah ﷻ to relieve you of these symptoms, ask Him to ease your anxieties and ask Him to enable you to do wudhu without being overtaken by this urge to clean excessively. Ask Him to enable you to focus on prayer itself and on your relationship with Him, and to put barakah in your time so you are able to use it for useful and meaningful endeavours instead. You can even ask Him to accept and reward your intentions of cleanliness, and to recognise and reward how you are only trying to fulfil wudhu correctly. 

Ultimately, Islam encourages and values cleanliness, but ours is a deen of moderation and logic. 

In the Qur’an, Allah says, “Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:185)

The Prophet ﷺ consistently demonstrated that acts of purification were simple, balanced, and free from excess. He warned against extravagance in using water for wudhu, even if you are beside a flowing river. I say this not to shame you further but to try to encourage you to think rationally about the position of cleanliness in Islam. Allah does not judge us by the state of our bathroom sink but by our intentions and our efforts. 

It may also help to confide in a trusted family member or friend. Your family may be frustrated because they see the time you are spending in the bathroom, but they may not realise how trapped you feel. Explaining to them that you are struggling with this could help them move from criticism to support. Ask them to help you keep it under five minutes each time you need to make wudhu. Maybe they can wait outside the door and keep the time to help you. Once the timer is up, step out of the bathroom, make dua that Allah accepts your efforts and state of wudhu and commence praying. 

You might also want to consider other ways that you can manage this practically – even in the short term. Are you able to try and keep your wudhu for multiple prayers to reduce the number of times you need to go through this each day? Are you able to do your wudhu somewhere where there is no toilet or shower to clean, such as a different sink in the house? Are you able to aim to perform at least some prayers at a local mosque, to reduce the number of times you are distracted when completing wudhu at home?

As mentioned, this is something I would definitely recommend talking through with a therapist or mental health professional, but it might be worth delving into where you think this has stemmed from. Have you always had this issue, and has it recently expanded into other areas such as wudhu? Is there a lack of control or organisation in other aspects of your life that means you are seeking order through cleaning compulsively? Has someone made a comment about cleanliness in the past that has subconsciously impacted you?

Above all, remember to be kind and patient with yourself. The fact that you are distressed by this, that you long to worship Allah with ease, and that you are asking for help are all signs of your concern for your faith: not signs that you have failed. What is going on is not a weakness in your iman or a lack of sincerity – rather, it could even be a sign that your dedication to things you care about – purity and prayer – has simply gone a little too far. 

Continue to open your heart in dua to Allah, seek professional medical help, and be kind with yourself. May Allah grant you shifa, replace your hardship with ease, and make your worship a source of tranquillity rather than distress. Ameen.

Love and duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.