Trigger warning: This article mentions miscarriage and may be emotionally triggering for some.
Twenty-five percent of women will miscarry, and yet very few have the confidence to speak out, particularly in the Muslim Community, so why is miscarriage such a taboo, considering that so many women will experience it within their lives?
Losing a baby, at whatever stage of pregnancy, is an immensely personal journey and no one mother will feel the same. The first three months of all pregnancy can be both the most exciting yet nerve inducing time.
Even between partners the loss is experienced differently and finding a sense of togetherness is hugely challenging under such raw circumstances. Marriages can also undergo a massive test during this time as feelings of guilt can be overwhelmingly I believe, that motherhood is love, from the moment you decide to conceive, you are a mother, and that love begins to blossom. Whether you have been trying to conceive for some time, have lost pregnancies, birthed a sleeping baby or held your newborn correctly in your arms, motherhood begins with that yearning, that desire to feel life growing inside your womb.
A woman who has lost a baby is a woman no other should have to relate to, but the truth is, there are many of us out there.
The recovery period following a miscarriage is incredibly sensitive, something that challenges you mentally, spiritually and physically. When sharing experiences with other women who have suffered a loss and when reading various articles on the topic, I have come out of this experience feeling a tremendous feeling of gratitude for my faith.
I am the one in four but what comforted me significantly was my conviction that Allah’s plans are the best plans.
Acceptance of Allah’s decree gives you security and mental peace, since all that befalls us happens with the will and knowledge of Allah, and not because of something we did or did not do. This belief helps to put an end to feelings of guilt and self-blame and helps us accept Allah’s will with an open heart. That does not mean that it isn’t painful and it certainly does not mean that you should not acknowledge your pain. But it does provide you with an opportunity to get closer to Allah SWT. It is a beautiful quality of believers that they face adversities with patience and prayer, even though it may be difficult.
We need desperately to break this taboo and stop parents who have lost a baby from feeling so isolated. Baby loss awareness week is a perfect opportunity to open this dialogue. A wave of light will wash over this week, where people will light candles together in loss of their babies. Parents are encouraged to post a picture of their candle on social media to create a wave of light.
May all those that have suffered the loss of a child use this powerful tribute as a way to mark this test by Allah SWT and help spread awareness, particularly across our Ummah.
The Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, “By the One in Whose hands is my soul, the miscarried fetus will drag his mother to paradise by his [umbilical] cord if she was patient [with the miscarriage], hoping to be rewarded.” [Ahmad]