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Are Your Friends Knocking Your Confidence? It’s Ok to Walk Away

by in Relationships on 30th July, 2018

It is world friendship day, but what do you truly think of your friends? Time for a few home truths…

Do you feel like your self-esteem has taken a knock and you don’t value your self?

Whilst I am a big believer that we as women do have to work on our selves internally there is no doubt that external variables that influence our perception of ourselves can have a big impact, for some it may even erode our confidence. The people you surround yourself with can have a great influence on your self-esteem and confidence. Friendships should be one of support, love and respect.

It is essential that you surround yourself with people who encourage and respect your growth. This is self care.

My sister and I, were speaking about sisterhood and friendships and I realised that I have lost touch with some people from my past, there’s no doubt that we grow out of people and sometimes friendships are based on the places we live or jobs we have. Over the years when contemplating friendships that I view as ‘lost’ I accounted the loss to myself, the reason they ceased to exist was me and going as far to tell myself I was that bad friend, but I have realised that those friendships left me because I wanted them to, they weren’t helping me in terms of my confidence and self esteem. No one likes to be laughed at or be the centre of others people insecurities, don’t be that person, please. You also realise you are contributing to those peoples lack of awareness about what a real friendship looks like and a general lack of self-awareness which they take into their life. If you increasingly feel uncomfortable in ‘friendships’ it may be a clear signal to move on. Allah gifts us people for certain periods of time and sometimes they come as a way for you to reflect on and improve yourself or perhaps you were that persons help.

People can project their own insecurities on to you and erode your confidence.

If you’re reading this post and thinking about someone who you feel is not building you up by constantly breaking you down, it’s time to step away and review your relationship, it is ok to walk away. Often the fear of what others think makes us stay in unhealthy relationships. I good exercise to do is step outside of yourself and talk to yourself as a friend:

What do you think about how you are treated? Allah asks us to be just with ourselves. Are you being just? Are you supporting an oppressor even?

If you are unsure about the friendship, here are four ways where you can tell.

  1. You over think your opinions, thoughts and views and at worst just don’t express any for fear of a negative response or reaction
  2. You feel like you are not listened to and this also translates into physical behaviour such as ignoring comments you make or dismissing opinions.
  3. One-sided conversations and the focus is on ‘their’ life and you leave drained
  4. They don’t celebrate your wins or seem particularly interested

When we are embarking on friendships there are also a few key things we should look for, they should be qualities to enhance you and compliment you too. Friendships can shape your life so choose wisely or you may lose yourself. I recently saw this reminder and felt it’s also a good way to check your friendships.

The Prophet (SA) said to choose 3 type of friends:

1. Whose speech increases you in knowledge
2. Whose presence causes you to remember Allah
3. Whose actions cause you to remember the Hereafter

Do not stay in bad friendships they can be damaging for a lifetime. No person is worth your confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes we have to start again and that’s painful but in the longterm you will get through it for Allah created you and his decree is perfect.

Selina Bakkar

Selina Bakkar

Co-founder of Amaliah amongst many other roles. Selina is passionate about empowering those around her and just trying to be a better person. She loves looking after plants and a good cuppa because motherhood and running is not for the faint hearted. She is also Co-founder to Aishah and Eesa and currently a one digit mother, Alhamdulilah. You will find her in the local charity shop, garden centre or park with her kids. Have a listen to the Amaliah Voices podcast. Link in bio peeps. To join the Amaliah Writer Community email me at [email protected]