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It’s Hard Being Single, but I’ve Learned, It’s Harder Neglecting the Potential We Hold Within Ourselves

by in Relationships on 23rd July, 2019

It could be argued that Women are complicated creatures who intrigue the minds of every single person they meet. Their parents, teachers, students, colleagues, friends and even the occasional men in our lives.

We ask too many questions, we read too much, and we have too much curiosity for our own good. We wander through life, following the paths of what inspires us, of what our mothers and fathers want of us. Essentially doing what is expected of us. We go through stages of growing and exploring at school, we dismiss the thought out advice that’s given to us and we land in what I call a somewhat semi ‘stuck’ phase when it comes to marriage.

The thoughts and pressures we feel burden our once carefree spirits.

I remember so vividly the day I whispered to my mama, ‘I am never getting married in Pakistan, okay?’ as she was making my father some chapatti. I was, like, 8yrs old or something. If I was thinking about the effects of how traditional marriages occurred in my community, particularly the negative effects, I was definitely onto something.

Let me be clear. I’m not referring to the marriages where the woman is totally accepting and has agreed to her proposal. I am, however, referring to those that have ruined lives. The men got what they wanted and left broken people behind. Perhaps this is where my distaste of certain types of the male species came from. That’s not to say I’m a man hater. I think men are great. But the lack of mental growth a large number of them demonstrate is disappointing and disheartening.

Suddenly I find myself a part of an entire generation of women struggling to find a suitable husband because we ‘complain too much’, too ‘selfish’, we’re too modern and independent. Most of us would agree that Women are biologically wired as nurturing, caring and sensitive. In fact, a recent study proved that women are a lot stronger than men. We give and give out parts of our selves, and we get hurt over and over.

When we decide we want no more of this we want to hold up our hands are say ‘okay I give up if I have to force this search it just isn’t worth it any more’. We’re told to focus on ourselves; sometimes we get lost in our own world of daydreaming of the perfect guy descending down, floating on a pink cloud before our eyes. (okay maybe that’s just me).

They never really go away though; the fear of being alone and the nags from family members.

The constant Instagram taunts of proposal posts. Is anyone else seeing a ridiculous amount of wedding rings posts, feels like just about everyone on the planet is getting married! On that note, congrats to adorable Nick & Priyanka. Adorbs. Their story reminded me about the fact that the measure of time you know someone doesn’t represent the quality of your relationship. However, if you get accused of ‘longing things out’ when you’re really just being smart and cautious, that’s an indication of a person’s quality.

It’s hard being single, but I’ve learned, it’s harder neglecting the potential our amazing selves have, for the search of what could be.

I yearn for a love deeper than the ocean. And I also yearn for avocados.

Like daily. I’m writing this post to share an understanding that I am sure hundreds of women can relate to. The understanding is this; the bouts of depressive feelings will linger as our single days loom longer, but all we have right now is time.

The Time to live our best lives right now, in this moment of accepting that we are beautiful no matter what our make-up free faces look like. That we are strong even when we don’t feel like it. This is the time to be grateful for the little things that make you giggle, even when no one else thinks it’s funny.

Be great, be quirky, be crazy and be kind. As the world enjoys labelling us endlessly, we have the opportunity to discard those labels and tell our own stories.

I still dream about getting married to a great guy and starting a family like when I did when I was 8. I probably still will until it happens, and there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as I don’t let it consume me with worry and grief. I can manage this by handling my emotions, by expressing them in a heartfelt way. For the most part, I already do this. I love crying. I find it incredibly healing. All that my body can’t contain, I let out through my eyes. It’s a freeing and pure feeling. So I say, cry your heart out when you need to. And talk to God. He listens even when we can’t hear ourselves, over the noise in our minds.

I pray for those of us who are single, that Allah blesses us with an amazing husband soon and bless our marriages with love and mercy. I also pray for those who are married; may you be blessed with more love and mercy and blessings. Ameen. Say Ameen ladies! And the odd guy reading this, yes you too. Say Ameen.

Zara Din

Zara Din

I am a British born Pakistani woman, with introvertive quirks and a love for the infinitely deep and random