We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.
We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.
Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!
Dear Aunt Maya,
As salamu alaykum!! I’m currently in my early twenties and everyone around me seems to be either getting married or in the process of getting married. My parents are also actively looking for a husband for me and she introduced me to a guy a couple weeks ago and I thought I really liked him but I never heard back. I’ve been taking it pretty badly and asking myself what I did wrong and why I’m so off-putting to men. My friends say it might be because I intimidate them and also that I’m at the start of my twenties and closer to being a child than an elder. I feel so lonely and unattractive and I make dua and everything but can’t help being plagued by such thoughts. What do I do?
Maya Areem responds:
Thank you for taking the time to write to us, and I pray Allah brings ease into your life and heart.
I understand that you’re going through a challenging time with the pressure to get married and the disappointment of not hearing back from someone you thought you liked. It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and finding the right partner takes time.
Firstly, it’s crucial not to blame yourself or think that you’re unattractive or off-putting. These negative thoughts can be harmful and can impact your self-esteem. Instead, focus on building your self-confidence and recognizing your worth as an individual. Remember that your value isn’t determined by whether or not someone is interested in marrying you.
It’s also important to communicate your feelings and concerns with your parents. Share your thoughts on the matter and let them know how you feel about the process. Open and honest communication can help them understand your perspective and possibly adjust their approach.
Regarding the comments from your friends, remember that their opinions are just that—opinions. While it’s good to consider their input, don’t let it define you. People have different perceptions, and what may seem intimidating to some might be seen as confidence and strength by others. Embrace who you are and be true to yourself.
In the meantime, focus on personal growth and self-improvement. Engage in activities that bring you joy, develop your skills and interests, and meet new people in various social settings. This can help you expand your social circle and create opportunities to meet potential partners in a more natural way.
Lastly, continue making dua and placing your trust in Allah’s plan. Sometimes, things don’t work out as we expect, but remember that Allah has a plan for each one of us. Have faith that He will guide you towards the right person at the right time.
Stay positive, take care of yourself, and trust in Allah’s timing. InshaAllah, things will fall into place when the time is right. May Allah grant you peace, contentment, and a righteous life partner.
Love + duas,
If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.