We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Maya Areem Responds: 

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for sharing your dilemma. It’s clear that you deeply appreciate the sacrifices your parents have made for you, and you want to respect their hopes for your future while also pursuing your passions. This kind of situation is always tough, and, understandably, you’re feeling torn.

Your parents, especially your mum, want what’s best for you. Their dream for you to have a secure, well-paying job is rooted in their love and desire to see you settled and financially stable, which is why they suggest careers like law or accounting. For many in their generation, stability was the ultimate goal, shaped by the hardships or uncertainty they may have faced. Careers like law, medicine, and finance are tried and tested ways to achieve that stability, which is why they naturally gravitate toward these paths as the safest choices. It’s also worth noting that while some parents may place heavy expectations or demands on their children, your parents seem to be encouraging this path from a place of hope and love, rather than pressure. They want to see you thrive in a way they understand best, even if their vision doesn’t fully align with your own.

However, it’s also clear that you’ve discovered a genuine interest in social work, which may not offer the same financial rewards but feels more meaningful to you. It’s important to acknowledge that this isn’t a decision you’re making lightly, this career aligns with your values and brings you a sense of purpose. 

The key to having this conversation is to show your parents that your choice isn’t about rejecting their sacrifices, but about choosing a path that reflects your own values and passions. Part of entering adulthood is finding a balance between a life that fulfills you while honouring your parents’ love and efforts. You have to own your vision for your future, even if it differs from theirs.

Start by acknowledging their efforts and appreciating everything they’ve done to support you. Let them know that you understand their concern and that you truly appreciate all they’ve done to give you opportunities. This will help set a respectful tone for the discussion and show them that you’re not taking their wishes lightly.

One way to ease their concerns is to show them that you’ve thought this through. If you have a clear plan, outline it for them. Explain why you’re drawn to social work, what steps you’re taking to pursue it, and how you’re planning to make it work. This shows them that you’re not just jumping into something without consideration and that you’ve made a deliberate decision. Social work offers many growth opportunities, and while it may not be as lucrative as other careers, it offers the chance to have a lasting, positive impact on others. Reassure them that you’re making a thoughtful decision and that you’ve considered both the challenges and the rewards of this career. You can also be specific about the kind of impact you want to have and why it feels so important to you. It’s not about the paycheck; it’s about the work itself. If you can articulate your passion and commitment to this field, it may help them understand that this is not just a passing interest, but a genuine calling for you.

Parents often feel more comfortable when they see that their child is serious about their future, even if the path is unconventional. It’s okay to acknowledge their concerns and reassure them that you’ve thought this through carefully. It might seem difficult at first to tread the line between sharing your goals and respecting theirs, but you must frame these discussions as conversations rather than a request. You might want to ease into the conversation by initially mentioning that you’re exploring your options, and over time, you can have a few conversations that help your parents understand your perspective. This approach might make the conversation feel less intimidating for you and give your parents time to adjust to your choices.

At the same time, you may need to accept that their initial reaction might not be positive. They might be disappointed or concerned about your financial security, and no matter how well you explain your decision, they may not immediately understand, and that’s okay. This is where you’ll need to stay firm. While you can be empathetic and patient with them, ultimately, this is your life to lead. You can’t control how they feel, but you can control how you move forward.

In the end, it’s about finding a balance. You’re still honouring your parents by considering their concerns, but you’re also staying true to yourself by pursuing what truly matters to you. Over time, as you demonstrate your commitment and the fulfillment you get from your work, they’ll likely come to see the value in your decision.

I wish you all the best as you have this conversation and take the next steps toward your future.

Love + Duas,
Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.