We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Assalaamu’alaikum, I’m slowly losing the will to be/try being a practising Muslim. I have a small circle of friends, the majority being non-Muslims. With them, the friendships are very meaningful, and a few have been there for me in some very hard times, including now. I like spending time with them, but recently I’ve been feeling resentful and jealous that they’re able to enjoy life in ways that I can’t as a muslim. So I’ve been distancing myself from them it’s affecting me mentally. With the few Muslims I know, the friendship is very surface-level. I can’t seem to connect with them like I can with non-Muslims. I recently ended a romantic relationship with a non-Muslim as he admitted he doesn’t see himself becoming Muslim. The breakup affected me deeply. I can’t stop thinking that I could actually be happy if I weren’t trying to hold on to being somewhat practising. My brother has left Islam after battling mental health issues for nearly 20 years, and he says he actually enjoys life now. I hate that I’m jealous of him and the freedom everyone else seems to have. I feel so lost. I feel like I’m too Muslim for the non-Muslims and too non-Muslim for the Muslims. I want to know more people like myself whom I can belong to. I want to not question my faith and myself so much. Obviously my non-Muslim friends can’t offer any advice on this. I’m barely holding on to my salahs. Ramadan is always so hard, as I feel I fast just because I have to. I’m fed up with it all. In case it makes a difference, I’m 30 and started CBT and therapy a few months ago, but I don’t find it helping much. 

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot, especially while grieving the end of a relationship and feeling like you don’t quite fit anywhere.

That feeling of being stuck in between—“too Muslim for non-Muslims, too non-Muslim for Muslims”—is one many people go through, especially when they’re trying to hold on to their faith without a supportive circle around them. It’s not just tiring, it’s painful, and I’m really glad you reached out.

It can feel upsetting to see your non-Muslim friends enjoy life in ways that feel out of reach for you, especially when you don’t have a Muslim community to socialise with and have fun in a halal way. The dunya is glittering and tempting by design, and Allah ﷻ acknowledges how hard it is to choose obedience when the world around us seems to reward the opposite. 

You also mentioned your brother leaving Islam and saying he feels free. It can be difficult to watch someone close to you seem at peace on a path that you’ve been taught leads away from Allah. But I want to gently remind you of a verse in the Qur’an, “Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:216)

What looks like freedom isn’t always peace. And what feels like restriction isn’t always harm. This is where we’re asked to trust in the unseen, even when it pushes against our instincts. The Prophet ﷺ told us, “This world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever.” (Tirmidhi)

It’s a reminder that the ease we see, or even crave, in this world is often an illusion. Our souls feel the discomfort because they’re not meant to settle here. That restlessness isn’t a flaw; it’s a sign that something in us still knows we were made for more than this.

It also sounds like you’re in a state of spiritual burnout, when faith starts to feel more like a struggle than a source of comfort. But the answer isn’t to give up on the faith, or to pressure yourself into being a “better” Muslim. Sometimes, it’s just about holding on. You also mentioned how you fast just because you have to. I want to say that it still counts. It might not feel spiritual, but it’s still a form of showing up. 

Iman doesn’t always feel peaceful or certain. Sometimes it’s just holding on by a thread, even when every part of you is tired. And even that is valuable.  If all you can manage is showing up for the basics—your salah, a quiet du’a, reading something small—then do that sincerely, without guilt. You’re not failing. You’re just in a hard season.

I also want to say this gently: sometimes the disconnect we feel being around practising Muslims isn’t just about them being surface-level, it can also come from our own shame. We might assume they won’t understand us or judge us. But that can close the door before a real connection has a chance. There are sincere, kind-hearted, struggling Muslims out there who could become “your people”; you only need to give them a chance. 

The people we surround ourselves with truly shape our faith. It’s not enough to simply avoid haram—we have to actively seek what nourishes our iman. There are fellow Muslims who are honest about the messiness of faith, who are trying (not performing) to stay close to Allah. They exist—but they’re often quiet, imperfect, and not always where you expect. You might find them in a local circle, an online space, or someone you’ve never had a real conversation with about faith, yet.

You mentioned therapy, and I’m really glad you’ve taken that step, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s helping yet. CBT can sometimes fall short when what you’re dealing with is more spiritual and emotional than just thoughts and behaviours. If you’re able to find a Muslim therapist—or at least someone who understands that your connection to Allah is not just cultural, but core to your wellbeing, it might make a difference. We’ve got a couple of pieces that might help with that: How to Find the Right Therapist and Muslim Mental Health: The Services and Organisations You Can Contact.

Allah says in the Qur’an, “So whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it.” (Surah Az-Zalzalah 99:7)

Even the smallest act, praying just the obligatory units of a prayer, or just whispering “Ya Allah, help me” in your heart, none of it is wasted. Allah sees it all, even when it doesn’t feel like much to you.

This is not the end of your story. It’s a turning point.

May Allah bring softness to your heart, people to your life who truly understand you, and clarity in your path forward. May He honour the thread you’re holding on to and draw you closer to Him, lovingly, and in ways you never imagined.

Love + du’as,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.