We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much our parents gave up for us when we were growing up, all the things they might’ve wanted to do but put aside because of family responsibilities. Now that we’re older, I sometimes wonder if they ever think about going back to those dreams.

I’d really love to see them do something for themselves, and relax and enjoy life, but I’m not sure how to bring it up without it feeling awkward or like I’m overstepping. Do you have any advice on how I can ask them and support them if they’re open to it?

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

It is so heartwarming to hear that you’re thinking not just about what your parents did for you, but what might still be possible for them. Most of us are witnesses to how our parents’ lives were shaped by responsibility, work, children, and extended family, and how that often left little space for personal dreams or taking joy in their hobbies or favourite things. 

You can ease into the conversation by talking about your own dreams first and then asking them theirs. For example, if your parents are reminiscing about the old days or mention of being bored, tired, or nostalgic, you could say something like,  “Tell me more about your childhood, was there a particular thing you enjoyed when you were younger or something that you really wanted to do, but didn’t get a chance?” or “I was thinking the other day about how much you gave up for us. Is there anything you ever wanted to do again, something for yourself now that things are more settled?”

It might take a couple of conversations for them to open up to you naturally. Sometimes, parents can feel defensive about the life choices they made if they are questioned this way. Trying to get to know the people they were before they became parents can reassure them that you’re not asking because they need to change anything; you are just genuinely interested.

They may also not be entirely sure what they want, and that’s okay, too. What we’re talking about here is introducing joy and relaxation into their lives, away from the stress and responsibility they have carried for so long. That might look like finding small things that light them up and experiencing them together, or helping them take the first step toward something they’ve long put off. The point isn’t to force a grand reinvention, but to slowly reintroduce ease, fun, and a sense of possibility back into their lives. It is important to gently remind them that they’re allowed to want things for themselves. That they still have time, and that they’re not alone in figuring out what’s next. If they respond positively, you could offer support in a practical way.

• If they mention a skill or hobby, look into local classes or online resources together.
• If they mention travel, you could help them start planning, even if it’s just a short weekend away.
• If it’s about something like starting a small business, volunteering, or learning something new, ask what would make it feel doable, and offer to help with the first step.
  

Keep in mind: they might brush it off at first, especially if they’ve gotten used to putting themselves last. Some might genuinely feel like that phase of life has passed them by, or they might not know where to start. That doesn’t mean they have missed their chance; it just means it might take a few nudges over time.

It’s also okay if the dreams they once had have shifted over time. What they want now might be smaller, quieter, or different from what you imagined, and that’s still valid. Part of supporting them is accepting and making room for who they are now, not just who they could’ve been.

May Allah ﷻ grant them the opportunity and strength to achieve what they have dreamed of.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.