We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Dear Aunt Maya, I grew up in a devout Christian family, but never found my path to God in that faith. I doubted a lot as a teenager, but difficult times and mental health struggles finally led me to a strong faith in one God, whom I didn’t know how to define but felt everywhere. I met and married a Muslim man and started learning about Islam, wondering if it was the path to understand the God I had come to believe in, whom I now call Allah. I started praying in the Islamic way, reading the Quran, Tafsir and other books on Islam, and I can say the Shahadah from the depths of my heart, for I truly believe it. However, I’m really having difficulty with “officially” reverting to Islam, because I am scared to be a bad Muslima and find it hard to know where to begin. My husband doesn’t have a community here, as neither of us lives in our home country, and he doesn’t know how to guide me either (we live in Germany). I think deep down, I am scared to give myself completely to Allah and embrace all the facets of Islam, as it would mean big changes in my life. How can I find the willingness to start on this path? Where should I begin?

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

​​Thank you for sharing your journey. What you’ve described will resonate with many people who have come to Islam gradually, as did the first Muslims. Islam came to the Prophet ﷺ through a series of revelations. The practices that we now know, such as praying 5 times a day, Fasting, and Zakat, didn’t all come overnight and happened gradually. Islam is rooted in small, steady steps. Some begin with one prayer a day, others start with Surah Al-Fatiha. Some go years before formally saying the Shahadah in front of others. 

Allah ﷻ isn’t asking you to leap into everything at once. He understands that change takes time, and He is Al Muqallib al-Quloob, meaning The Turner of hearts and has chosen your heart to turn. Try not to think of all the things that would change and all the things you feel you need to be to be a “good” Muslim, just consider what the next week or month can look like and take each day as it comes. 

You have already begun the journey, so give yourself some credit! You pray, you read the Qur’an and tafsir, you’ve internalised the Shahadah. I understand that the idea of “officially” reverting feels heavy, especially when you imagine what being a “proper Muslim” should look like. The Shahada is something that is between you and your Lord; the condition of entering into Islam isn’t perfection or knowing everything, it’s sincere belief. And from what you’ve shared, you’re already there. 

Your fear of being a “bad Muslim” can be seen as a sign of your belief in Allah, a belief that there is a higher power that you are trying to please. However, don’t allow it to paralyse you, channel it into journeying closer to Allah and ensure you have a distinction between fearing what other people will think vs. Allah. You sound like you have a sincere intention in journeying along this path, and Allah will help facilitate that for you. Embracing Islam is a big change, but remember that all of your efforts, even your worries about this, are a potential for gaining rewards and Allah’s pleasure, as many hadiths and narrations show us this. 

The Prophet ﷺ said, “He who falters when he recites the Qur’an and finds it difficult for him will have a double reward.” (Albani) 

It is important to remember that we’ve been created to slip, to make mistakes, to forget, and to come back. That’s part of the design. Allah is Al-Ghafur, the Most Forgiving, and He loves those who return to Him, again and again. Try and think more about who Allah is, rather than who you are not. He is Ar-Rahman (The Most Compassionate), Al-Wadud (The Most Loving), Al-Wali (The Protecting Friend), Al-Afuw (The Most Forgiving).  He has promised us a reward that is even greater when you struggle with a practice and still show up for it. 

The Prophet ﷺ said, “By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if you were not to commit sin, Allah would sweep you out of existence and He would replace (you by) those people who would commit sin and seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would have pardoned them.” (Sahih Muslim)

That’s how generous and merciful Allah is. He wants you to keep coming back to Him, no matter what. Make lots of du’a and ask Allah to make the change easy for you. In the Qur’an, He says, “Surely Allah loves those who always turn to Him in repentance and those who purify themselves.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:222)

If you’re feeling alone without a guide or community, try exploring online spaces; there are virtual circles, classes, and groups created for people exactly in your shoes. Have a look at Solace, who offer help globally, a safe space specially created for revert sisters. You can also read our article “How to Learn About Islam” to get started.

And it may feel overwhelming now, but perhaps you are being nudged to create the kind of space you’re looking for, something small, meaningful, and rooted, even if it starts with just the two of you.

If things ever feel overwhelming, focus on just one or two consistent acts, maybe one tasbih of istighfar, one prayer a day, listening to the Qur’an during a walk, or making du’a in your own words. 

May Allah grant you firmness and ease on your path, and bless you with a beautiful, supportive community. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.