We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Dear Aunt Maya, I was seeing a guy whom I thought I’d marry. Once we decided to get our families involved, his parents disapproved and did not accept his choice. He walked away and chose not to fight, especially when I knew his parents’ reasons were largely superficial (family status, wealth, etc), yet I was willing to move to the other side of the world for him after marriage, as he wanted to move back home to Australia to be closer to his parents. He told me he needed space as he was going through a lot and would reach out if there was any progress. So I gave him the space and waited for him, given there was some hope, but then just a few months later, I had come across an Instagram post of his wedding! I feel hurt, misled and betrayed. I feel I’ve wasted my time waiting for someone who never intended to choose me. I am finding it hard to move on from this and trust again, and feel as though I’m running out of time to settle down as I approach 30.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

I am sorry to hear that you went through such a painful situation. It is difficult to come to terms with the ending of a relationship, especially when it ends without any explanation or closure. A situation like this can leave you questioning not just the relationship, but your judgement, and leave you wondering how you can move forward.

Someone not choosing to fight for you can often show what their character is; however, it is easy to ruminate and keep thinking about what if and what went wrong. Given that you had no explanation or closure, it can be easy to spiral into assumptions and wonder why it ended like this. The only thing you can be sure of is what this means for you, rather than why he ended things this way. The best thing you can do for yourself is take time to process your feelings and take the learnings from this. It is okay for the pain of this to take some time to process, so be patient with yourself and inshaAllah, in time, your heart will open up again to new possibilities with someone else.

Feeling like you have wasted your time is a real and valid grief. It may not look like it right now, but I assure you that in future, you will move with more clarity, confidence and attunement on who to trust and what signs to look out for. It may be that there were signals that this wasn’t right for you before it ended. This isn’t about placing any blame but rather about tapping into your own intuition and agency. 

It is also important to remember that Allah ﷻ always protects us from what we cannot see. You were seeing what was on the surface, the part of him he allowed you to see. But there could’ve been a hundred ways that this journey would have harmed you had it continued. The fact that Allah didn’t write this person for you is the decision, and a form of divine mercy, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Part of healing is accepting that this was Allah’s plan and learning from this process. It is true that there is no simple timeline to pain and that healing will take time, and you’ll have to stay patient; however, there are ways to support yourself through it. Hold on to du’a and make it your lifeline, asking Allah for healing, guidance, and something better. 

In the meantime, the best way to manage the heartbreak right now is to detach from the person entirely. Unfollow, mute, block, whatever you need to do to create distance. Talk about them only when you need to process your emotions with someone you trust.

I encourage you to invest in your physical well-being. Whether it’s lifting weights, martial arts, pilates, yoga, running, or long walks, move your body. Grief needs somewhere to go. Let it move through you physically, not just mentally. Also, try to spend quality time with your loved ones and people who love you and cherish you. Usually, when someone is heartbroken, they tend to lose interest in socialising. Social connection, even when it feels forced at first, is often what we need to help repair after a tough situation like this.

On days when you feel like your thoughts are scattered and restless, channel that energy into your career, your hobbies, or even something new, like learning to build something with your hands. This can help ground you and provide healing inshaAllah.

And always remember that you’re not behind, nor are you late. I understand the societal pressure that comes with approaching 30, but remember that Allah has His own plans and timelines for you. More importantly, Allah saved you from someone who wasn’t good or right for you. 

In the end, I leave you with the following: Allah has given you a test that you can deal with. There is so much more to enjoy in life than someone who couldn’t do right by you. InshaAllah, someone better suited to you is already written. May Allah grant you clarity, healing, and companionship that brings ease and growth. Ameen.

Love + Du’as,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.