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We asked our audience to share their love stories, tales of chance meetings, intentional steps, and everything in between. What came back was a mosaic of experiences, each unique yet equally exciting. Some spoke of stolen glances that turned into lifetimes together, others of introductions carefully arranged by family, and many of friendships that slowly unfolded into love.

This is our second story.

Please note that these stories are not for giving advice and are about documenting the lives of Muslim women who got married 🧡

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H&A

How did you and your husband first meet? 

I didn’t have anyone who could point me in the right direction. Most of my friends were colleagues who were non-Muslim. So I had to think about what I needed to do if I planned to consider marriage before it became too late. I looked into online dating, and I wasn’t keen. It didn’t feel like much of an option, but I was quite intrigued and ended up trying several apps. I met my husband on one of them.

Did you speak for a long time online before deciding to meet in person?

We couldn’t meet because it was during the pandemic, and he wasn’t in the country. It took about six months before we met up, right after the first lockdown was lifted in 2020.

What drew you to him online? 

His profile. I’d spent about a couple of months or maybe even a year on online dating Muslim websites. And I was not happy with the way that men presented themselves and what they were looking for. There was a lot of focus on materialism and things that they had – their car, job and degree. This is fine, but who are you beyond your degree? They were also quite superficial in terms of what they were looking for. So I was very put off by many of the profiles and nearly gave up. 

Then I stumbled on my husband’s profile, which was just what I was looking for. It was very organic – he didn’t talk about a degree, house, salary or job. It was just: this is who I am. I travel, I enjoy reading, nature and walks, and this gave me a great impression of who he was. I was really impressed by what I saw. 

There also wasn’t much mention of material things in his expression of what he was looking for. There was no focus on things like age, job or looks; it was simply, “looking for someone to share this beautiful journey with.” Those words got me quite intrigued, so I reached out to him. 

On the website I used, you have to send a friend request, and the recipient has to accept your request before you can communicate with each other. So I sent the request and waited to see if he would accept it and read my message. What’s interesting is that he had about three pictures, so I knew what he looked like. But I was very guarded on these websites, so I didn’t have any pictures. I didn’t even have my real name, but I had quite a good written bio – I spoke about myself, my likes, my interests and my hobbies. It was quite detailed, and I did that to make up for the fact that I didn’t have a picture on. I was wary of the fact that someone could take a screenshot of my pictures, so my approach was to communicate with someone and get a sense of their character before sharing my picture. 

When he messaged me back, one of the first questions he asked was, “Can I have your WhatsApp number?” By the time I’d finished reading his profile, I felt comfortable enough to share my number. Usually, that wouldn’t be the case, but on this occasion, I sent it straight away. That’s also when I sent across some pictures of myself and shared my real name. 

We started to communicate quite regularly, like once a week on the phone, and then via message every couple of days. As we couldn’t meet up straight away, it was probably a good thing, because we discussed our lives and what we were doing.

At that time, I was embracing Islam a lot more, so I was doing a lot of reading. That’s how we formed a bond.

We were both doing a lot of spiritual reading, so our conversations stemmed from discussions around the books we were reading. It was nice to have those conversations, as it was during isolation, and I didn’t have a network of Muslim friends. He was also a new Muslim – he embraced Islam a couple of years ago, and as a born Muslim, I find that there’s so much to learn from people who come into the religion.

Who initiated the first in-person meeting?

He’d been thinking of it, but I was the one who said, “Do you want us to arrange to meet?” There were a lot of things going through my mind in terms of the Islamic way of approaching meetings. But I didn’t have any male figures to attend those meetings with me. So we arranged a quick coffee meeting at a halfway point for both of us, and that was how things started. Then we continued to communicate afterwards.

When you met him in person, what was your first impression? 

It felt very natural, like we’d known each other for a long time, but simply hadn’t seen each other for so many years. It felt comfortable and very easy. 

How many times did you meet in person before marrying?

We met less than five times. 

After the first meeting, it took another four or five months before we met again, because he lived in Scotland while I was in London. So there was the distance, but we also wanted to make sure things were halal as well. 

We didn’t have many meetings, and we tried to ensure there was a purpose behind them. The bulk of our communication took place over the phone and video calls and via WhatsApp messages.

How old were both of you when you met?

I’m four years older than him.

Usually, it’s the other way around, but I find that men are quite relaxed about getting married to someone older than them, whereas a lot of women don’t want someone younger than them.

Even though he’s younger than me, his maturity is way beyond mine. He’s much wiser than I am. This is why I always say to people, if you’re looking for a partner, age shouldn’t be the only reason why you don’t consider them.

When looking for a partner, what was the one thing you were looking for?

The main things were character and conduct.

I was looking for someone practising but also with a love for Islam and learning about Islam. I was at that stage in my life where I wanted to learn about my religion beyond what I was taught growing up, and that’s what I found within him. 

It’s quite common for reverts to be practising, have a love for learning about Islam and want to know the reason behind everything. They want to know all the stories, so that they have a character that’s reflective of their understanding of Islam. So if you understand Islam and the conduct of the Prophet ﷺ, then that should also reflect in your character as well.

How did you know you would get married to your current husband? Did you know?

The first time we spoke on the phone, the conversation went on for about an hour. We spoke about our lives and who we were, and I remember hanging up and thinking, I have a really good feeling about this. 

I’m very guarded and reserved, and going online was just not very comfortable for me. I didn’t feel safe or happy with going online. But the fact that I’d spoken to someone and given them my number was a huge deal. 

Then we continued talking. He went through hardships, and I went through hardships. He helped me through hardships, I helped him through hardships. Our conversations became very deep, emotional and meaningful. There was nothing superficial. 

Near the end of 2021, we continued to have these weekly conversations, and I’d be so excited to talk. I never knew what we were going to talk about, but our conversations were always so beautiful. Then one day, he said, “Can I speak to your dad?” and that was how the marriage conversation started. We both got emotional and cried. 

It wasn’t like he needed to ask. It was already going in that direction anyway, but there were so many obstacles within those two years – things like logistics, jobs and so on, which delayed the whole marriage talk. Yet, it felt like the right time to have that conversation. After that, we were married within a month. 

What are three red flags (concerns) Muslim women should look out for?

1. A focus on superficial things like looks, money, jobs, cars or degrees. 
2. Lack of communication – someone who claims to be interested in a relationship but fails to communicate regularly. 
3. If you notice a change in their behaviour. 

Let me explain. Before I met my husband online, I was speaking to someone else for a couple of months, just before COVID. We didn’t seem to have a connection, and I was quite doubtful of myself. As it was a new experience, I assumed I was being too reserved, so I continued the relationship. We spoke a lot, but we didn’t have meaningful conversations. Over time, I noticed significant changes in his behaviour. He was no longer as communicative with me, and there were several other peculiarities he displayed. 

Eventually, out of the blue, he said that he no longer wanted the relationship. He also admitted that he was a compulsive liar and a manipulative person. He said he wanted to be honest with me as I was a nice person and deserved something nice. It made me realise I should have listened to my initial gut feeling, as well as paid attention to the inconsistencies in his behaviour. 

You’ve got to be very sharp, intuitive and guarded. 

What are three green flags (good qualities) Muslim women should look out for?

1. Consistent communication. They should also be a clear communicator. 
2. They are open and willing to speak to family early on in the courting stage. 
3. The relationship moves at a comfortable pace. 
4. They can clearly state their intentions and what they are looking for in a spouse from the onset of courting. 

What advice would you give a single Muslim woman looking to get married?

If you have a male figure in your life, you should involve them in any search for a partner. So whether that’s a brother, a dad, an uncle, or a grandfather, it’s important to have a guardian. Because if a man is serious and understands Islam, then he would understand a woman’s desire to have that male protective figure. 

I would also advise discussing the relationship with a friend or family member. Don’t just communicate with someone without having someone else to reflect on conversations or the nature of that relationship. It’s nice to have someone say, “This doesn’t sound right,” or “Why is that person not communicative?,” or “Why are there inconsistencies?” or whatever it might be.

Sometimes, when people are looking for relationships, they might be in a rush because their friends are getting married and they feel like they need to get married now. Never feel pressured to find someone within a year. You have to be very careful and take your time. Make dua, pray istikhara and have sabr. It may take time, but it is what was decreed for you. 

Enjoy being single as well. Embrace it because once you get married, your life changes quite drastically. So whilst you’re looking for a partner, enjoy the experience of being single. 

Some advice for online dating:

• Write a list of all the essential requirements and make sure you establish early on if the person you meet online is compatible based on this list.
• Don’t allow anyone to make you feel rushed to exchange pictures or phone numbers. 
• Avoid becoming too attached to someone during the courting stage, as this can lead to overlooking potential red flags. 
• If looking online is not working for you, or is making you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, then consider alternative options. One option is contacting masjids, as they sometimes keep a record of males and females looking for marriage. 

Keep making dua for Allah ﷻ to guide you in the right direction and to keep you away from any harm.