We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for reaching out. First of all, congratulations and Hajj Mabrook! May Allah ﷻ accept all your duas and ibadah. Ameen.

I am sorry to hear you feel disheartened after performing Hajj. Sometimes, when we spend a long time anticipating and preparing for something, once it’s over, it can feel like something is missing, because we can quickly become absorbed back into our regular lives after such a profound experience.

However, it is worth reflecting on the fact that you completed a pillar of Islam, and there is a lot of reward in that. The point of Hajj isn’t necessarily to feel a spiritual “high”. Its real purpose is to fulfil one of the five pillars, and alhamdulillah, you were blessed, and Allah chose you to be His guest. Your completing Hajj is spiritual growth in itself. 

What you’re describing reminds me of the “post-Ramadan blues” that many of us experience every year. During Hajj, we are surrounded by community and constant reminders of Allah. And then when we come home, daily life and responsibilities consume us again, and it becomes impossible to maintain the routine in which your day revolved around worshipping Allah alone. It seems you have a clear desire to improve yourself spiritually, and so perhaps you are still feeling the effects of Hajj, just not in the way you imagined.

The sense of disheartened feeling suggests you want to please your creator and strive, so you may need to create some momentum and channel this feeling into action. What you can do is keep taking small, steady steps towards Allah, and inshaAllah He’ll make it easy for you. There is a guide here on preparing your heart for Ramadan, and perhaps Ramadan will give you another chance to find the longer-lasting change that you seem to be yearning for.

Imagine how you felt at Hajj: the exhaustion, the crowds, the heat, and yet you persevered, you stood firm, you walked in the footsteps of the Prophets, and fulfilled all the rituals Allah has ordained. Rather than changing you in a big, profound way, maybe the experience of Hajj has given you spiritual training that you can apply to the rest of your life. Allah blessed you with an opportunity that strips away all worldly distractions and teaches us patience and gratitude – what you developed during that time will have made an impact on you, even in quiet, less noticeable ways. Why not try to bring that discipline into your everyday life: praying on time, reading just 1-2 verses of the Qur’an daily, noticing Allah’s daily mercies, and having trust in Him. 

Make dua that your Hajj is accepted, ask for His help, guidance and a heart that stays firm on the right path. You can also make an intention to visit again one day if you feel like you want a chance to relive the opportunity. Change can also gradually happen over years, and so continue making the intention to strive. By nurturing the seeds planted in your heart during Hajj, change will happen slowly and steadily.

As for hijab, it’s something many of us struggle with, and it’s not the only challenge we face. For some, it’s hijab; for others, it’s praying consistently or fasting regularly. We’re all human, and no one practices all the time perfectly. Perfection belongs only to Allah. Hijab is an obligation, but not wearing it doesn’t erase your other acts of worship or make you “not a good Muslim.” Falling short in one area doesn’t cancel out your relationship with Allah. Every small effort counts. It may be worth reflecting and even talking to a good friend about how you feel about the hijab and what is stopping you. Sometimes, hearing our own thinking processes and undoing thoughts that may be stopping us can be beneficial in moving towards an act.

The Qur’an tells us, “As for those who struggle in Our cause, We will surely guide them along Our Way.” (Surah Al-Ankabut 29:69)

The fact that this is weighing on you is a sign of His mercy, and it shows that your heart is still connected to Him – try to find some reassurance in this fact. Instead of focusing on whether your Hajj was accepted, talk to Allah about how you feel, pour out your confusion, your hopes, your longing. Keep things simple, stay consistent with the small acts, and inshaAllah, your heart will catch up in its own time.

May Allah bless you with steadfastness upon the deen and a Qalb e Salim. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.