We asked our audience to share their love stories, tales of chance meetings, intentional steps, and everything in between. What came back was a mosaic of experiences, each unique yet equally exciting. Some spoke of stolen glances that turned into lifetimes together, others of introductions carefully arranged by family, and many of friendships that slowly unfolded into love.

This is our eleventh story.

Please note that these stories are not for giving advice and are about documenting the lives of Muslim women who got married 🧡

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D&Z

Did you meet online?

No.

Please share how you and your husband first met?

It started with an Istikhara in the middle of Chiang Mai, North Thailand, where I was as single as a pringle but was preparing to leave after a period of working remotely following a redundancy. 

I had no idea where to go except for the fact I craved a place with a beach. My friend in Indonesia had suggested I visit her to feel more of a sense of community after working alone for so long but but I realised I would need to lay over somewhere given the distance from where I was.

So I asked Allah for a sign. Should I fly somewhere closer, like Krabi in the south of Thailand? Or should I head towards my friend in Indonesia but stop in Kuala Lumpur first? If the latter was best for me, I asked that He wake me in time to make the 9 am flight to KL. I’d heard there was a café in the city hosting an open social to chat about New Year’s resolutions, and something in me kept pushing me towards checking it out. So I put my trust in Allah to facilitate it for me. 

Lo and behold, I woke up at 3am, and booked my 9 am flight to Kuala Lumpur. I arrived in the city at 12 noon and, looking at the traffic, knew that if I wanted to make it to the event, I had to go straight to the café. My Grab driver got me there 30 minutes into the event. I was absolutely parched in the heat, hadn’t registered at all, but left my bags downstairs and the organisers kindly let me in. I asked for some water, and they guided me towards a room further up.

After grabbing a glass, that was where I saw him. He was sitting in a circle alongside other Muslims, swapping prompt cards and chatting about what it means to nurture community and put trust in Allah to see our du’as answered. 

After an hour, the event came to a close and the organisers encouraged everyone to exchange details with anyone they wanted to stay in touch with. Just as I was about to leave, he came up to me and asked for my social media before saying he’d love to see me at another event. I explained that my flight back to London was the following Sunday, so I wouldn’t be around for a future gathering, but I was still in Kuala Lumpur for a few more days.

He asked what my plans were for the next day, and arranged breakfast followed by a visit to a local art gallery, finishing just in time for Dhuhr. It felt like we could have spoken for hours more. Afterwards, he messaged to say how lovely it had been to see me before I headed off to Indonesia for my short trip. 

I couldn’t imagine not saying goodbye before I left Kuala Lumpur for London. He told me he wasn’t free the weekend I was leaving, so instead he offered to drive a three-hour round trip to pick me up from Kuala Lumpur airport when I flew back from Indonesia. At that point, I knew it was then or never for me to put my cards on the table.

I told him my intentions openly and explained that I wanted to get married. I knew there was every chance he might say no, but at least I had been honest and up front. 

It turned out we were on the same page. He asked me to make Istikhara again and said that if I felt things were right, I should let him know. 

When I returned to the U.K, I couldn’t imagine not staying in touch with him. I told my parents, and with their knowledge, we continued getting to know each other. Separately, my youngest sibling had a university placement planned in Malaysia later that year. My mum said that if things were in a good place after we’d had the important conversations, we would all travel to meet his family. During that trip, we got engaged.

How many times did you meet in person before you got married?

Before we got married, we met in person around 10-12 times.

How did your relationship evolve? What made you realise that he was the one and when did you decide to get married?

Realising he was the one was a gradual process that started from the moment he drove an hour and a half each way to pick me up from the airport. Before I met him, the men I came across would struggle to step outside the M25 to meet me. Yet,

he went out of his way to make sure things were as convenient as possible for me, even if it meant paying extra.

The more I got to know him, the more I realised how patient he is, how he carries himself with the kind of integrity that means he cannot bring himself to jump a queue of traffic, even if it would get him to his destination much quicker. He has the kind of character where he not only cannot utter a single bad word about anyone, but consistently makes dua for anyone and everyone as though it’s his second breath. Unlike anyone I’d met before, I uncovered more green flags in him with time, rather than fewer.

What are your thoughts on premarital counselling? Did you get any?

Yes! Premarital counselling is actually obligatory when you have your nikah in Malaysia so this was a must for us. I think it opens up important conversations about the realities of marriage beyond fairytale visions, so you and your spouse can have informed discussions about potential areas where challenges might arise within the relationship.

How long have you been married?

We are newly married.

Has your perception of love changed before vs after marriage?

One thing that has become even clearer to me is that love is a verb rather than a noun. It’s something that requires constant nurturing through small, everyday actions and showing up for one another.

It’s less about grand gestures and more about being present for each other in the different ways that speak to each other’s needs.

As someone who is neurodivergent, for example, I really appreciate how he removes the mental load I often carry by trying to constantly over organise everything.

What was the main thing you were looking for in a spouse?

When I was making du’a for a spouse, I asked Allah, who knows me better than I know myself, to grant me someone of the best character and deen – someone who would be patient with me and appreciate me in the fully glory of who I am as a person.

What are three green flags Muslim women should look out for?

For Muslim women looking for a spouse, I think one of the biggest green flags is good character paired with strong deen – ihsan, not to be confused with personality. That means patience, kindness, reliability, and being the same person behind closed doors as they are in public.

What are three red flags Muslim women should look out for?

Red flags include impatience that quickly borders on anger, poor character, a lack of reliability or follow-through, and someone who shows a completely different side of themselves when other people aren’t watching.

Before we wrap up, is there anything else you would like to add or you think is important for us to know or you would like to add?

More than anything, my advice would be to have yaqeen that Allah is able to provide us with rizq that is better for us than anything we could ask for. He is not limited by the scarcity of our mindsets. And regardless of your relationship status, make a life for yourself that you love so much that anyone who comes into it simply enriches it even more.