I know what it’s like to be so overwhelmed with life or emotions that you berate yourself for not being able to do the type of worship you used to do.
And that only makes it worse because not only do you now hate yourself (for some, more than you already do), you’re constantly weighed down by guilt. Our life circumstances can affect our spiritual states.If you’re struggling and then you’re blessed with going to Mecca, how do you think your faith will be affected? You’re the same person, but your circumstances now allow for you to worship Allah without any distraction as your entire day revolves around His worship.
But here, with life and it’s struggles, it’s hard to maintain the spiritual high and the sweetness of faith you’re so desperately missing. But the fact that you’re so worried is a sign in and of itself of your love for Him!
He perhaps put you in your life situation now, to draw nearer to Him in ways that wouldn’t have been possible even if all you were doing was praying all night long and reading Quran all day long.
The Prophet (pbuh) taught us, “Indeed, actions are by intention.” So how can you use whatever you have going on to be a means of worship? When God tells us, “He who removes from a believer one of his difficulties of this world, Allah will remove one of his troubles on the Day of Resurrection; and he who finds relief for a hard-pressed person, Allah will make things easy for him on the Day of Resurrection; he who covers up (the faults and sins) of a Muslim, Allah will cover up (his faults and sins) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah supports His slave as long as the slave is supportive of his brother…” [Muslim]
You cleaning your baby’s diaper is a relief for her. You’re aiding her, and God is aiding you because of it. By helping your parents, you’re removing their troubles as God will remove yours in the Hereafter. You supporting a friend who is going through a traumatic situation, God will make things easy for you on the Day of Judgment. Shift your paradigm so that your intention is all about worship. And in the midst of being busy with life and living consciously of your intentions, how can you increase remembering Him constantly?
It is easy to feel close to Him in front of the Kaa’ba. It’s a battle to feel close to Him while busy with life. And inshaAllah the first is greatly rewarded and so needed to refuel. But inshaAllah the second you’ll be counted amongst those who strive for His Sake.
Remember, He says, “I am as my servant thinks I am.” So think really, really well of Him. Even if you don’t feel you’re good enough, think of Him as AlKarim- the Generous- He will reward you anyway because that’s who He is, even when you don’t feel deserving of it. He is AlShakoor- The Appreciative. He’ll appreciate the little amount you do and He’ll multiply it anyway, even when you feel it’s too little.
Don’t focus on what you aren’t. Focus on Who He is.