We often turn to the Amaliah community for advice on a range of matters that affect and inspire us. This week we took to Twitter to ask the married folk in our community their advice on marriage by asking:

“Married peeps – how long have you been married and what’s your advice?”

To our surprise those married over 15 years came through first with their three point guides and golden pieces of advice that have kept their marriages going strong.

There was honest advice and also not so useful advice so don’t worry we have filtered through it all and picked the best bits!

https://twitter.com/godfree1969/status/1540553013546389504

https://twitter.com/linda_derah/status/1541155200332873729

The Real Advice

https://twitter.com/ina_tope/status/1541455303396433920

https://twitter.com/Everyday_Muslim/status/1540068692578402310

https://twitter.com/villageauntie/status/1540287808790679552

https://twitter.com/naazneen1964/status/1540306677529985025

https://twitter.com/Potato_StutS/status/1540923109754249221

https://twitter.com/Herincomehub/status/1541359113141207042

https://twitter.com/shajedakt/status/1540475930409410562

https://twitter.com/Sheeny_Sheeny/status/1540078585473601538

https://twitter.com/bintsaira/status/1540514392034332672

https://twitter.com/Potato_StutS/status/1540923109754249221

https://twitter.com/BookTalkSarah/status/1540085649168105475

https://twitter.com/SaiyyidahZaidi/status/1540090915288670208

https://twitter.com/haafizahhoosen/status/1540069204249952257

https://twitter.com/Furby429/status/1540508670575972352

https://twitter.com/muhammadnur10/status/1540771030859280388

https://twitter.com/shahidapatla/status/1540307215457738753

33yr real life is not a Disney movie. Happily ever after does not exist without effort from both spouses incl good communication &willing to compromise. Know and Enforce your rights and don’t be manipulated.

— B Thomas (@bths_dragons) June 24, 2022

https://twitter.com/arihat_/status/1540070185641676800

Eight years الحمدلله. Check in with yourself from time to time and consider whether or not you want to be married to your spouse. Understand there is nothing inherently wrong with divorce (Ismail RA, Barirah RA, etc.) and continually seek Allah’s guidance. https://t.co/OibcBffVlL

— Askia Muhammad Toure (@Frml1) June 24, 2022

https://twitter.com/JANGZ999/status/1541175864326557696

1,5yrs – Finding the right communication style is a game changer. Have your own life and allow the opposite side to have his/hers. Very important to express appreciation frequently and just have lots of fun together 🎉

— chairounisa with a silent c. (@smyyintze) June 23, 2022

Have been married for over 15yrs

Be tolerant of your spouse
Be loving and understanding
Be diligent and dedicated
Be family oriented
Do not have any extra marital shit
Take care of yourself, spouse and kids….Intentionality
Always communicate with your spouse….intentionally https://t.co/DiCWgYJtQL

— ADEMOLA (@ade_odumesi) June 27, 2022

2 years on the dot today. I still have a lot to learn lol. But what I can advice is just respect each other and know that y'all will be accountable on judgement day. That's what is stopping me from misbehaving. https://t.co/Uc9ZxSRWv5

— محمد ثاني كبير (@Abuu_Aasim) June 27, 2022

5 years in a bit.

Make Accountability sessions a ritual. Constantly and continuously let each other know the state of things so there is no assumption of happiness on any side.

Talk. A lot. A whole lot. Don’t hide things from each other because it could spell doom

(1) https://t.co/vKwkqH5f0X

— Zulaykha💕 (@omotolaniee) June 26, 2022

https://twitter.com/RominasCorner/status/1541008929286676480

6.5 years.
Tolerance, Companionship, Love, Sharing Gifts, Travelling together etc i can go on forever…… https://t.co/pPS0WdTCrW

— ☆Hamza Jibril☆ 🇦🇪 (@hamxahbj) June 26, 2022

https://twitter.com/confused_bookat/status/1541208195607265282

Almost 9 years! This isn’t my only advise but still:

Make a point to actively choose each other again and again. I don’t think working on your marriage is something you can put off. If you do, it causes huge issues. https://t.co/s371h3Llmt

— Tuscany (@NotYourNiqabae) June 25, 2022

10 years. Don’t let wahala to rest, address it! https://t.co/CPJBjI5Xic

— Emm✨ (@Marwa_hhh) June 26, 2022

My advise is to not take marriage advise from people in unhealthy marriages and/or people who are not self aware ✨ https://t.co/39E43rCJJG

— 🐈 (@momofmoomz__) June 26, 2022

7 years. Your marriage deserves the best of you: your husn al dhann, your appreciation, your kindness, your affection. Also du'a. All the du'a. https://t.co/DYgsAJyLLF

— Hashashin (@HashashinTag) June 25, 2022

24 years in February inshaAllah. Communication is everything and don't hide anything, always be honest with each other.

— aysh23 (@aysha_lorgat) June 24, 2022

6 months, never let her sleep angry. https://t.co/m7HVBx42RE

— Abdul Vibes (@ab_chikaire) June 26, 2022

27 years. Don't slip into autopilot. Choose each other and your marriage over and over. Make each other laugh. Keep a memory bank of good times they help during the rough patches. https://t.co/yJnFrP6ADN

— Ahmad Muhammad (@muhammadnur10) June 25, 2022

3.5 years.
1.Don't ever stop teaching each other things.
2. Pray as much as you can to Allah to bless love between you two.
3. Learn to accept your mistakes, apologize and grow from the experience.
4. Always remember, you're a team.
5. Appreciate, appreciate and appreciate.

— انصاری (@2radicalforyou) June 26, 2022

Very happily married for 3 years. Learn to say i’m sorry, i was wrong, i made a mistake and most of all i love you. https://t.co/Xdyolw5mPC

— • (@Abduull_B) June 26, 2022

8 years, always ready make it work and have that determination that you want to remain in love and keep ur marriage issues away from third parties and be prayerful. Marriage is the sweetest thing in this life cux it comes with all d very good things u ever wish for https://t.co/YMqnLddKhv

— Overrated Talaka (@hadjimart1) June 26, 2022

Almost 5 years. My advice would be to have a contract about being the only wife, and that if he takes another wife, then that is grounds for divorce. Also discuss about having children, especially if he (and his family) really want them, but what if you're infertile?

— Sapphire ياقوت أزرق 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 (@YaqutAzraq) June 24, 2022

https://twitter.com/BigILLinois94/status/1540335038394417153

Communicate, set boundaries and learn to compromise. Don't violate each other's trust and maintain a level of self and mutual respect even when angry with your spouse.

— KronkStyleKO (@Kreestoph274639) June 24, 2022

https://twitter.com/rathernotsay649/status/1540329274724450306

https://twitter.com/rumena_aktar/status/1541200399511740416

8 Years – What you put in is what you get back and it can be as beautiful or as mundane as you choose

— Naima (@NaimaAdam) June 24, 2022

Marriage is bad peaks and valleys. Stay strong through the valleys and the peaks are that much enjoyable. Marriage isn’t hard, life is. You need a partner for the seasons. Communication, respect and empathy are key.

— furbs🐣 (@Furby429) June 25, 2022

9 years and we are still counting.
1: Take marriage as an act of Ibadah.
2: Assume the best of one another.
3: Always be flexible.
4: learn how to move on from arguments.
5: Avoid communication gap.

— Anas Al-adly (@anas_aladly) June 26, 2022

https://twitter.com/cicikperkasa/status/1540668912979017728

12 years.
Space is just as important as togetherness.

— Sultana Aktar (@SultanaAktar_) June 24, 2022

https://twitter.com/AishaTraveler2/status/1540561570215886850

Been married for 3 years, biggest advice is do not have kids right away (if you plan to do so) and really enjoy the time together just the 2 of you 💓

— Cassidy (@cassidyghanem) June 25, 2022

Closing in on 27.

Advice:
– Be stubborn as hell about making it work!
– Have kids. They do magic.

— Hrant Հրանդ Փափազեան Papazian (@hhpapazian) June 26, 2022

26 years.
As for advice – 3 narrations form a basis for family/marriage:
Love for the other what you love for yourself.
Be merciful to those on earth that He in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
The Muslim is the one other muslims are safe from their tongue and hand.

— nobody (@Hvsmrspct) June 25, 2022

10 years. Stay "friends", as in, hang out, chat, tease, and do activities together. Be patient, generous and compassionate with each other.

— Zee (@OwlieBird) June 24, 2022

Friendship, agree to disagree, separate bank accounts and one joined account. Keep in-laws out and live away from them!

— bobcat (@LordKanth) June 25, 2022

https://twitter.com/Sydasdshah96/status/1541176602712834048

https://twitter.com/Nusaybah313/status/1540565186494562304

https://twitter.com/Paratus26514708/status/1540750488618033154

https://twitter.com/floatyaboat1/status/1541206848329711617

https://twitter.com/WhiteMuslim786/status/1540809456681771008