We often turn to the Amaliah community for advice on a range of matters that affect and inspire us. This week we took to Twitter to ask the married folk in our community their advice on marriage by asking:

“Married peeps – how long have you been married and what’s your advice?”

To our surprise those married over 15 years came through first with their three point guides and golden pieces of advice that have kept their marriages going strong.

There was honest advice and also not so useful advice so don’t worry we have filtered through it all and picked the best bits!

Marriage is a trap. Don't fall for it.

— Ron jacca (@godfree1969) June 25, 2022

Been married 20 years 🥰
Advice: hide your partner’s shoes before they go out so that they stay home with you all day 😍 https://t.co/qcpaActQ4N

— you found linda (@linda_derah) June 26, 2022

The Real Advice

2nd year -Make the same person your best friend then choose them over and over again. https://t.co/wnQVTQjCrC

— Ina (@ina_tope) June 27, 2022

24 years in August Insha’Allah.
Remember no one is perfect. Make the most of the good times no matter how small or insignificant they may seem, remember tough times will pass. Appreciate each other, make sure your other half knows how you feel about them – always be honest.

— EverydayMuslim (@Everyday_Muslim) June 23, 2022

18 years

Best advice: Never stop praying for your marriage. Don’t just pray together, pray for each other and pray for the marriage. Even (and especially) during the times when you are experiencing challenges.

— Angelica Lindsey-Ali (@villageauntie) June 24, 2022

34 years. Remember you are not joined at the hip, you are 2 individuals making a life together with both your learned experiences and different upbringing. Ensure you both feel safe to speak openly, know you will not always agree and respect each others opinion.

— Naazneen O Britton (@naazneen1964) June 24, 2022

Give each other a hug 🤗 ranging from 20 seconds to 1 or 2 minutes. This helps the body realize that you were with someone safe and that you can lower your guard. You can be stressless. 🤍 ( 4 years )

— Stuti (@Potato_StutS) June 26, 2022

11 years. In marriage, communication is key. Love each other, be open to each other. Do not hide things from each other cos that’s where trust grows. When misunderstandings happen do not see the other party as the enemy. Work it out and bounce back as soon as possible.

— Angela Daramola (@Herincomehub) June 27, 2022

“Love is a verb…”, show it and love it. Laugh, cry, deep things together. Compromise, spend quality time together and on your own. Recharge the battery so you’re the best v of yourself for each other. Talk everything through, nobody is a mind reader. We all have good & bad days.

— Shajeda (SAJID-ERRR) ✌🏽 (@shajedakt) June 24, 2022

18 years this year InshAllah… You have to enjoy each others company. Develop a strong friendship and having similar interests helps.

— Sheeny (@Sheeny_Sheeny) June 23, 2022

2.5 years. I think the best advice is to respect each other and to also talk through any issues that you have. Also, to spend quality time together away from distractions

— بنت صيرة (@bintsaira) June 25, 2022

Give each other a hug 🤗 ranging from 20 seconds to 1 or 2 minutes. This helps the body realize that you were with someone safe and that you can lower your guard. You can be stressless. 🤍 ( 4 years )

— Stuti (@Potato_StutS) June 26, 2022

4 years. Don't expect your spouse to read your mind, be willing to say explicitly "this upsets me" or "this is what I need/want". It will save you so much trouble and stress

— SarahTalksAboutBooks (@BookTalkSarah) June 23, 2022

20 years. Talk to each other. Take time on your own. Don't hold grudges. Have fun. Learn and grow together. Know it's ok to not agree on everything. Fear Allah.

— Dr. Saiyyidah Zaidi (@SaiyyidahZaidi) June 23, 2022

3 years – don’t be afraid to take time on your own. Comfort with yourself as well as your partner is important and they can feel completely different but equally amazing

— Haafizah Hoosen-Charles (@haafizahhoosen) June 23, 2022

10 years! Your marriage will have highs & lows. Often times the lows are a result of circumstances beyond either parties control (stress , sickness, family, financial trble), don’t fall into the trap of doubt during your lows. Soldier through. It’s ok not feel 100% in 💕 always

— furbs🐣 (@Furby429) June 25, 2022

27 years. Don't slip into autopilot. Choose each other and your marriage over and over. Make each other laugh. Keep a memory bank of good times they help during the rough patches.

— Ahmad Muhammad (@muhammadnur10) June 25, 2022

21 years. Alhamdulilah
Each couple is different, set your own vibe.
Few good practices

Respect choices: don't force or impose

Deal with empathy

If something is amiss, Pray for your spouse

Always help in any way possible

Be a Giver, but assert your rights

— shahida (@shahidapatla) June 24, 2022

33yr real life is not a Disney movie. Happily ever after does not exist without effort from both spouses incl good communication &willing to compromise. Know and Enforce your rights and don’t be manipulated.

— B Thomas (@bths_dragons) June 24, 2022

17 years. It’s not easy. When we met, he was not Muslim. I was honest with him that I couldn’t marry him not because he wasn’t Muslim, but that if I did, I felt that I wouldn’t be anymore. He explored and took Shahada the week before we got married. It works because we believe.

— Arihat تایرا (@arihat_) June 23, 2022

Eight years الحمدلله. Check in with yourself from time to time and consider whether or not you want to be married to your spouse. Understand there is nothing inherently wrong with divorce (Ismail RA, Barirah RA, etc.) and continually seek Allah’s guidance. https://t.co/OibcBffVlL

— Askia Muhammad Toure (@Frml1) June 24, 2022

22 yrs. Oof. Terrible time. Never never never get married🤢 Children, oh those things….err.🤮 A sigh of relief when 'she' is away and kids are in bed🥳 I leave the house at 7 and return at 4 with Diazepam falling out of my pockets😵‍💫.[Joking]@The_One1001 @theteachertalks 🤣🤣

— Jahangir Akbar (@JANGZ999) June 26, 2022

1,5yrs – Finding the right communication style is a game changer. Have your own life and allow the opposite side to have his/hers. Very important to express appreciation frequently and just have lots of fun together 🎉

— sümeyye (@smyyintze) June 23, 2022

Have been married for over 15yrs

Be tolerant of your spouse
Be loving and understanding
Be diligent and dedicated
Be family oriented
Do not have any extra marital shit
Take care of yourself, spouse and kids….Intentionality
Always communicate with your spouse….intentionally https://t.co/DiCWgYJtQL

— Ademola Odumesi (@ade_odumesi) June 27, 2022

2 years on the dot today. I still have a lot to learn lol. But what I can advice is just respect each other and know that y'all will be accountable on judgement day. That's what is stopping me from misbehaving. https://t.co/Uc9ZxSRWv5

— محمد ثاني كبير (@Abuu_Aasim) June 27, 2022

5 years in a bit.

Make Accountability sessions a ritual. Constantly and continuously let each other know the state of things so there is no assumption of happiness on any side.

Talk. A lot. A whole lot. Don’t hide things from each other because it could spell doom

(1) https://t.co/vKwkqH5f0X

— Zulaykha💕 (@omotolaniee) June 26, 2022

7 years. Pray for your marriage and listen to each other, especially when things get hard. Have fun together and don’t forget you are TWO separate people and it’s ok to not be joined at the hip and have different hobbies. https://t.co/t3njIFdrbO

— RominasLittleCorner (@RominasCorner) June 26, 2022

6.5 years.
Tolerance, Companionship, Love, Sharing Gifts, Travelling together etc i can go on forever…… https://t.co/pPS0WdTCrW

— ☆Hamza Jibril☆ (@hamxahbj) June 26, 2022

Almost 3 years
Learn and act on your spouse's love language. https://t.co/ZJno7EniY1

— Manal Ibham (@confused_bookat) June 26, 2022

Almost 9 years! This isn’t my only advise but still:

Make a point to actively choose each other again and again. I don’t think working on your marriage is something you can put off. If you do, it causes huge issues. https://t.co/s371h3Llmt

— Tuscany (@NotYourNiqabae) June 25, 2022

10 years. Don’t let wahala to rest, address it! https://t.co/CPJBjI5Xic

— Marwah💕 (@Marwa_bgrw) June 26, 2022

My advise is to not take marriage advise from people in unhealthy marriages and/or people who are not self aware ✨ https://t.co/39E43rCJJG

— 🐈 (@momofmoomz__) June 26, 2022

7 years. Your marriage deserves the best of you: your husn al dhann, your appreciation, your kindness, your affection. Also du'a. All the du'a. https://t.co/DYgsAJyLLF

— Hashashin (@HashashinTag) June 25, 2022

24 years in February inshaAllah. Communication is everything and don't hide anything, always be honest with each other.

— aysh23 (@aysha_lorgat) June 24, 2022

6 months, never let her sleep angry. https://t.co/m7HVBx42RE

— Abdul Vibes 𓃵 (@ab_chikaire) June 26, 2022

27 years. Don't slip into autopilot. Choose each other and your marriage over and over. Make each other laugh. Keep a memory bank of good times they help during the rough patches. https://t.co/yJnFrP6ADN

— Ahmad Muhammad (@muhammadnur10) June 25, 2022

3.5 years.
1.Don't ever stop teaching each other things.
2. Pray as much as you can to Allah to bless love between you two.
3. Learn to accept your mistakes, apologize and grow from the experience.
4. Always remember, you're a team.
5. Appreciate, appreciate and appreciate.

— انصاری (@irasnaisraw) June 26, 2022

Very happily married for 3 years. Learn to say i’m sorry, i was wrong, i made a mistake and most of all i love you. https://t.co/Xdyolw5mPC

— Didi Hamann (@Abduul__B) June 26, 2022

8 years, always ready make it work and have that determination that you want to remain in love and keep ur marriage issues away from third parties and be prayerful. Marriage is the sweetest thing in this life cux it comes with all d very good things u ever wish for https://t.co/YMqnLddKhv

— Hadji Mart – Number 1 Wrist Watches Store (@hadjimart1) June 26, 2022

Almost 5 years. My advice would be to have a contract about being the only wife, and that if he takes another wife, then that is grounds for divorce. Also discuss about having children, especially if he (and his family) really want them, but what if you're infertile?

— Sapphire ياقوت أزرق 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 (@YaqutAzraq) June 24, 2022

3 years

Marriage is about service from a place of love for each other and accountability to the Divine. There’s no room for selfishness or built-up resentment. Drop the acts and be a team!

— A.Dot (@BigILLinois94) June 24, 2022

Communicate, set boundaries and learn to compromise. Don't violate each other's trust and maintain a level of self and mutual respect even when angry with your spouse.

— Kristophe (@Kreestoph274639) June 24, 2022

Almost 1 year
Don't be afraid to have your own space, and be independent from your spouse, it doesn't mean your relationship isn't good because your not spending 24/7 together. Don't forget your own interests and hobbies even something as little as watching ur favourite program

— Ineedtorant_ (@rathernotsay649) June 24, 2022

Great advice. I would add to this, know yourself and who you are, be a whole person on your own and don't expect them to "complete" you. I think this is one of the biggest fallacies.

— Librarimum #Antiracist (@rumena_aktar) June 26, 2022

8 Years – What you put in is what you get back and it can be as beautiful or as mundane as you choose

— Naima (@NaimaAdam) June 24, 2022

Marriage is bad peaks and valleys. Stay strong through the valleys and the peaks are that much enjoyable. Marriage isn’t hard, life is. You need a partner for the seasons. Communication, respect and empathy are key.

— furbs🐣 (@Furby429) June 25, 2022

9 years and we are still counting.
1: Take marriage as an act of Ibadah.
2: Assume the best of one another.
3: Always be flexible.
4: learn how to move on from arguments.
5: Avoid communication gap.

— Anas Saminaka (@anastotheworld) June 26, 2022

22 years. Advice? Work it out, never take it for granted

— Cicik Putra Perkasa* (@cicikperkasa) June 25, 2022

12 years.
Space is just as important as togetherness.

— Sultana Aktar (@SultanaAktar_) June 24, 2022

16 years

Over time you blend into one another to the point you can't see yourself separated from them

— Irish Aisha (@AishaTraveler2) June 25, 2022

Been married for 3 years, biggest advice is do not have kids right away (if you plan to do so) and really enjoy the time together just the 2 of you 💓

— Cassidy (@cassidyghanem) June 25, 2022

Closing in on 27.

Advice:
– Be stubborn as hell about making it work!
– Have kids. They do magic.

— Hrant Հրանդ Փափազեան Papazian (@hhpapazian) June 26, 2022

26 years.
As for advice – 3 narrations form a basis for family/marriage:
Love for the other what you love for yourself.
Be merciful to those on earth that He in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
The Muslim is the one other muslims are safe from their tongue and hand.

— Wm. Halim Breiannis (@Hvsmrspct) June 25, 2022

10 years. Stay "friends", as in, hang out, chat, tease, and do activities together. Be patient, generous and compassionate with each other.

— Zee (@OwlieBird) June 24, 2022

Friendship, agree to disagree, separate bank accounts and one joined account. Keep in-laws out and live away from them!

— simply bob (@LordKanth) June 25, 2022

3 weeks, enjoy your honeymoon 😊

— Syed Asad Ali (@Sydasdshah96) June 26, 2022

Almost 6 years. Let little things go otherwise they will unnecessarily escalate and you will both regret it. Always try to be the bigger person, bite your tongue, say sorry, even if you are not in the wrong. Silent treatment is horrid! Always try to sit down and talk through it.

— Nusaybah (@Nusaybah313) June 25, 2022

Was married 37 years.

Nothing in this world lasts forever.

Better to marry someone whose values are the same as yours.

— Paratus 💚🌹🏳️🇷🇺 (@Paratus26514708) June 25, 2022

Almost 9 years.
1 – learn Islam together and do your best to build you marriage in it as a foundation.

— floatyaboat (@floatyaboat1) June 26, 2022

40 years. Marriage has ups and downs. Same religion does help, same world view and not being frivolous people who must have fun every minute . Realistic about money. Not hating the opposite gender. Don’t expect someone to be perfect.

— WhiteMuslimWoman (@WhiteMuslim786) June 25, 2022