We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.
We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.
Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!
I have a friend in college but he is not muslim. I am a really private person and I don’t usually share anything with anyone but he is just like me. We think alike about so many things but he is an atheist. Also he is not that good looking but I too am average looking and I’ve been told in childhood that I am ugly so many times by random strangers and even some relatives. So I never judge people based on their looks. We are not dating but we like each other. Also our friends don’t know that we know each other that deeply so most of the time we have to meet in secret. I like him so much but I really am confused about what to do.
Maya Areem Response:
I hope you are well and in a good place.
There’s two things that jump out here.
The first is that he isn’t Muslim, my personal stance here and as a sister who wants good for you is that him not being Muslim is a non starter. You deserve to be with someone who will care for your soul and look out for your akhirah. Based on this alone, I would walk away from this as a potential partner and put yourself and your soul first. To put it bluntly, there is no confusion in Islam on being with someone who isn’t Muslim.
There is also a deeper issue here on you feeling he may also be right for you based on his looks (or lack of according to you) and how you perceive yours. I am truly sorry to hear that those around you have told you you are ugly. May you always be seen in the most beautiful light by the One who created you. I worry that your decision of choosing a spouse is in part being driven by insecurities. I know it’s very easy for me to say this on the other side of this, but you are allowed to set standards for yourself. I am sure that you also have more to you than how you look, and while it factors into looking for a partner, it is not the be all.
Think about what you want for yourself in a partner.
Some good resources you can check out:
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
I pray that Allah grants you the best in this life and the next. Ameen
Love and duas,
If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.