We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Dear Aunt Maya,

Should I discuss contraception plans with a potential partner? Should this be spoken about in text/calls/meets? How much of it should be discussed if so? Or should the woman just jump ahead with the plan?

Maya Areem Responds:

Salaam alaykum,

I hope you are well and in a good place. Thanks for reaching out to us with your query.

I have limited knowledge on how potential this partner is! If it is in the early days of getting to know them and you also are not in an intimate relationship or plan to be then I would suggest parking the discussion. 

However, if the case is that this is a potential and on the cards to develop into a commitment, I would broach the topic as this conversation also links to sexual health and family planning. Some contraception options can also impact a person’s mood, libido, weight etc., so it is important that the partner is aware of this and you can talk openly about it, as they may be able to support you or show understanding should you need it.

It is difficult to suggest what format to have this conversation without knowing how you both communicate, but I would say this isn’t a taboo conversation or something to be embarrassed about raising.

You could raise the topic of sexual health in the following way:

• I personally suggest couples get a sexual health test done, while a partner may not want to reveal their past intimate history and they may in fact not have had sex, it is safer for both parties. You could say, “I wanted to raise the topic of STIs and STDs; would you be comfortable with taking a STI/STD test as it would give me some peace of mind?”

You could also talk about the possibility of children as a way to discuss contraception too.

• For example “I would like to wait some time to have children/don’t want to have children, and so I will be looking at contraception options, have you thought about our options yet?” You could ask them how they feel about children in this conversation if it is a conversation you haven’t had. If you are on the same page you can then talk about contraception options. 

There is an extensive list of 13 contraception options here, if you feel you are at the stage of choosing a contraception option you could look through the list together and see what you feel comfortable with. The majority of contraception options are for women so if you go for one of these you will need to weigh up your options vs. the use of condoms for example. 

All the best! 

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.