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Amaliah Agony Aunt: My Partner Didn’t Make an Effort for Our Anniversary

by in Relationships on 20th May, 2023

We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

Dear Aunt Maya,

It was me and my partner’s anniversary not long ago, and I’ve messaged him wishes and prayers and he’s replied. But that’s all he did, just replied to my own message. But didn’t make an effort to wish me, send a card or even plan anything for us and he’s been acting normally. I gave it some time and thought that maybe he’s busy or something. But he’s just normal. No explanations. Nothing

Maya Areem Responds:

Salaam alaykum,

Thank you for taking the time to send your dilemma, and for trusting me with a response. Congratulations on your anniversary. May Allah instill love and harmony in your marriage, and increase you and your partner in love for each other for His sake and grant you blessings upon blessings. Ameen.

It’s clear that you’re dissatisfied with your partner’s lack of effort to mark this milestone in your relationship. While your expectation for your partner to buy you a gift, plan an activity or even simply acknowledge the day without you prompting is completely valid, it is also important that this expectation is clearly communicated to your partner. You are the only one who truly knows and understands how you want to be loved and cared for, and it’s only by communicating this with your partner that he can, in shaa Allah, act in a manner that reflects both of your desires and expectations from this partnership.

If this is something that you have already communicated to him then it is definitely worth having an open conversation with him about it to communicate your feelings and point of view. Do let him know that this day is important for you to mark and how not acknowledging it has made you feel. A big part of our religion is having good faith of others (Husn al-Dhan), as much as we can. There could be several reasons why your partner didn’t acknowledge the day, and it’s only through communicating with him that you can hash this out, as well as hopefully avoid a repeat of the occurrence. 

Although anniversaries – among other festivities – are held highly/highly valued in society, we all have different ways of viewing and celebrating these events. In addition, we come from different backgrounds, with different upbringing and traditions, where some important events may or may not have been celebrated, hence an event which may be a big deal to you might not be one that’s a big deal to your partner. However, this should not lead you to the assumption that he doesn’t care or doesn’t love you enough. Perhaps through your conversation, you can come to an agreement on how you would like to celebrate them, and in this manner begin your own family tradition.

I pray by Allah’s Grace and Infinite Mercy that you’re able to come to a resolution which strengthens your relationship, and creates an environment where you can openly communicate your wants, needs and desires. Ameen. 

Love and duas,

Aunt Maya

If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. 

Maya Areem

Maya Areem

Maya is a teacher by day and student by night. She hopes to pass on what she learns.