We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.
We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.
Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!
Hey Maya. I was super ambitious in my 20s with a high-earning career that made me feel on top of the world. Burnout and I were friends but I could always dig deep, and keep going. By my late 20s, I realised I had neglected my friendships, love life and family and now on the other side of 30, I am struggling to find my sense of ambition again. I have done a bit of a 180—from wanting the corner office to wanting to quiet quit. These days, I just want to live slowly, spend time with loved ones and not be part of the rat race anymore. But I also want to make good money and afford the life I have and enjoy it. I’m scared I used up all my ambition and that I will never find my spark again and worried that my ambition is gone for good.
Maya Areem Responds:
Asalamu Alaykum,
Firstly, thank you for trusting me with your reflections. It’s not easy to acknowledge the complexity of ambition, especially when the path ahead feels unclear. What you’re experiencing is valid and normal—our desires and motivations naturally evolve with time. And that shift you’re feeling from the high-energy drive of your 20s to a quieter pace in your 30s is something many of us go through, even if it feels unnerving at times. Also, it is worth thinking about how the milestone of “turning 30” can also bring up such feelings. Culturally, 30 is made out to be a huge milestone, and it is okay for the milestone to bring rest as inshaAllah you have plenty of life left after this.
Burnout has a way of making us step back and reassess, even when we try to push through. It sounds like in your 20s, you gave it your all, and while that was fulfilling in many ways, it came at a cost you’re now grappling with. This is where I want to gently remind you that it’s okay to feel unambitious for a while. Sometimes, taking a pause is exactly what we need to rediscover who we are and what truly matters to us.
The first thing to acknowledge is that your ambition isn’t gone—it’s simply evolving. Ambition can mean many things, including finding balance, nurturing meaningful relationships, and living in alignment with your values. You’re not “unambitious” or “stuck.” You’re simply evolving, as we all do. It might simply mean that what you want to be ambitious about has broadened your horizons, and your definition of a successful life in your 30s is now different from what you felt was a success in your 20s.
It could also mean that you need time to refill your cup and re-energise. Sometimes, this process takes years—recovery from burnout doesn’t fit neatly into calendar months and years. The key is to try and create positive momentum to move forward. Life is made up of many seasons, and sometimes we need to step back and rest to come back stronger when the time is right. And this balance isn’t something you figure out once and then forget—it’s an ongoing process. The key is finding what truly sustains you in both your career and personal life. Maybe the spark isn’t gone but has transformed into something gentler, more sustainable, and aligned with the quieter life you now crave.
To find a new spark, it’s important to reflect on your purpose, your core motivations, and what success looked like to you in the past. Then, ask yourself what success means to you now. What’s your definition of success today? Finally, identify a skill or talent that you’ve mastered that makes you proud.
As for wanting to live slowly while still making good money, this doesn’t have to be an either/or situation. Perhaps this is a season of redefinition, where you explore what a balanced life could look like. Consider roles or projects that help you achieve your current priorities—something that allows you to work with intention without rejoining the rat race. You might also find it helpful to budget for a lifestyle that reflects your values rather than striving to sustain the one you had before.
There’s real joy in working hard on something meaningful and then enjoying the peace that comes with resting after that effort. It’s about finding that balance—working in a way that feels fulfilling and then giving yourself space to breathe and enjoy the quieter moments.
Here are a few practical tips to help you navigate this transition:
Create Space for Reflection: Make time regularly to pause and reflect on what truly matters to you. Whether it’s through journaling, meditation, or simply taking long walks, allow yourself the space to reconnect with what you value most. This practice can help you rediscover your sense of purpose and reignite your ambition on your own terms.
Set Boundaries and Simplify: It’s important to start saying no to things that drain your energy. Protect your time and set clear boundaries—whether at work or in your personal life. Simplifying your schedule allows you to be more intentional with how you spend your time, letting you focus on what truly matters.
Embrace a Gradual Approach: It sounds like you want to slow down, but there’s no need for an abrupt shift. It can be helpful to make gradual changes. Start by reworking your work schedule to give yourself more personal time, and over time, this could naturally ease you into a lifestyle that feels more balanced. You might also find it helpful to budget for a lifestyle that reflects your values rather than striving to sustain the one you had before.
Explore New Sources of Fulfillment: Ambition doesn’t always have to stem from career success. Perhaps your new ambition could be about cultivating new skills, like learning a hobby, investing time in current relationships or even volunteering. Doing something that gives you a sense of accomplishment outside of the traditional work sphere might bring a refreshing sense of purpose.
Don’t Fear the Quiet: Often, we fear that living “slowly” means stagnation, but in reality, it can bring profound clarity and peace. Sometimes, ambition can become clouded by noise. By embracing a quieter lifestyle, you might find that the spark you’re looking for is still there—just waiting to shine in a more relaxed yet equally meaningful way.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Life is a constant flow of change, and your definition of success will continue to evolve. Trust in this process of re-discovery and know that your ambition will show up in new, fulfilling ways when you create the space for it.
May this next chapter bring you the clarity and balance you seek. Ameen.
Love + Duas,
Aunt Maya
If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.
