We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salaam, I’m turning 32 in a few weeks, and the birthday blues have already kicked in. I feel completely drained and have no zest for life. I just keep trying to remind myself that Allah is the best of planners and my life is exactly where it is supposed to be, but at the same time, that makes me feel so hopeless and upset, because why has my life been stagnant for the last 15 years? As a teenager, I used to self-harm and have suicidal tendencies, and I would keep telling myself if I hold out, it will get better one day, I will be happy and surrounded by love, I just have to keep faith, and Allah will have my back. Nothing has changed. I never got to use my degree. I ended up in a dead-end job, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t find anything else. I have not been able to meet a man whom I could marry, and all my friends have moved on with life; unless I message them first, I won’t hear from them. I’m tired and I don’t know how to change my life and be happy. Any advice would be appreciated as all I can do is make dua and be patient it I am a flawed human who can get impatient, and I struggle with my mental health.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing in and for trusting us with something so personal. What you’ve described, the tiredness, the feeling of being stuck, the quiet disappointment, it’s all a lot to hold. Especially when it comes on around birthdays, a time that naturally brings reflection and comparison for a lot of us, even if we don’t want it to. 

I want you to take a moment to appreciate yourself. You’ve survived some incredibly hard years that could’ve pulled you under, and you did it while still holding onto some form of faith. That in itself speaks to your strength, even if you don’t feel strong right now. There’s no shame in feeling impatient or tired. It just means that you are human. 

Maybe your life hasn’t been stagnant, but rather, you’ve simply survived in a world that doesn’t always recognise or reward quiet endurance. And sometimes, when we are still here but life doesn’t look how we hoped, we begin to feel like we are barely surviving. However, I hear that you don’t want to just survive anymore, you want joy, and you want to thrive. 

But first, I need you to understand that you don’t have to do this alone. I highly encourage you to prioritise your mental health if you can. Mental health struggles need care, not just prayer. When we’re in a low place, everything starts to feel flat—energy, mood, appetite, hope. Allah ﷻ has given us tools in the form of therapy, support groups, and medication when needed, and these are not signs of weakness, but of His mercy. If you’ve never spoken to a professional, or if it’s been a while, I encourage you to seek someone who understands the cultural and spiritual nuances you’re navigating. You deserve a safe space to speak your pain out loud.

If you haven’t already, you might want to take a look at our article on Muslim Mental Health: The Services and Organisations You Can Contact for culturally sensitive and nuanced mental health support. 

Alongside that, it might help to make small adjustments in your day-to-day life that don’t feel like they demand too much of you but still shift your environment slightly. That could mean starting to move your body regularly, whether that’s walking, signing up for a yoga class, or doing some gentle exercise at home. Not as a fix, but as something that can help regulate mood, sleep, focus and energy. These things often create a ripple effect. 

You might also want to explore volunteering, animal shelters, for example, often need help, and being around animals can be incredibly grounding. If it’s manageable, maybe even consider getting a pet. Cats in particular can offer quiet company and help ease loneliness in small but real ways.

Consider starting with the smallest possible change. Often, when life feels stuck, we wait for something big to shift: a new job, a relationship, an epiphany. But what if you just gave yourself one new thing every week and made space for softness and small joys? 

Reading at a new café, visiting a weekend farmer’s market, trying out a new recipe, walking through a different neighbourhood, starting a journaling ritual, or taking an online class that has nothing to do with your job or degree—just something done for the sake of trying, exploring, and enjoying. None of these things will magically transform everything, but they can interrupt the cycle of sameness. You might notice, slowly, that your relationship with the present moment begins to shift. And often, that’s where the healing starts.  

It is also important to remember that even though friendships often change, connection is still possible. Many people in their 30s find themselves having to rebuild or reimagine their community. If your current friends are distant, it just means you’re in a new season of your life. Is there a local group, an online community, a communal third space like a run club, yoga class, arts and crafts class, a book club, etc, where you can show up and just be? A weekly meet-up with familiar faces can offer people who ask how you are, without waiting for you to reach out first, and you deserve that.

Lastly, I want to tell you something I wish more people heard at their lowest: you are not the sum of your productivity or relationship status. You are a soul created by Allah with inherent worth. Just because life doesn’t look like you imagined it would, doesn’t mean it is not meaningful. The love you’ve given, the prayers you’ve made, the nights you’ve cried through, none of it has been missed by Allah. Nothing is wasted with Him. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. But don’t stop believing that change is possible, no matter how slow or quiet it may be.

You’re not late. You’re not behind. You’re still here. And that means the story isn’t over.

May Allah bring ease to your heart. May He place people in your life who truly see you, may He give you moments of light and joy, and may He surprise you with goodness in ways you didn’t expect. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.