We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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How do I not feel resentment towards my husband, who works long hours (60) per week? I am a first-time mother, 7 months postpartum, currently on maternity leave. I have mixed emotions about spending so much time with my baby. I feel like a single parent even though I am married. On the days my husband is off, he’s catching up on sleep, has low energy and does not want to initiate activities as a family. I feel stressed and overwhelmed dealing with a baby with a limited support network. I didn’t know motherhood was so isolating. I often feel guilty for wanting to go back to life before a baby. I just wish my husband would consider that although I don’t do 60 hours of paid work, I am working hard too, caring for our child. I need advice around navigating these feelings, strengthening my marriage and not getting so easily triggered by the ups and downs of caring for my baby. Thanks for your help. Jazakallah khair.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Firstly, thank you for reaching out with such honesty and vulnerability. What you’re feeling is something many new mothers go through, even if it’s rarely spoken about out loud. That feeling of resentment, the longing for space, the quiet grief over your old life, it’s all valid. Motherhood can be beautiful, but it can also feel like you’re losing parts of yourself in the process. Both things can be true at the same time.

You’re not failing, you’re adjusting. And that adjustment is massive.

The early months are intense. It’s physically, spiritually and emotionally exhausting. The days are long, the nights even longer, and the mental load of being the default parent never switches off. You’re doing a full-time job with no breaks or clock-out time. No commute to breathe between roles either, and you’re expected to somehow stay grateful, patient, and fully ‘present’.

Missing your old life doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. It just means you’re human, coming to terms with a new version of yourself. That grief deserves space.

Your husband working sixty-hour weeks and needing rest doesn’t make your exhaustion any less real. One of the hardest parts of this transition can be the gap between your experience and your partner’s understanding of it. That’s where resentment often builds: when the emotional, mental, and physical load falls mostly on one person. That doesn’t make you ungrateful or dramatic. It means your roles and loads are not being shared fairly.

To function well, you need space to breathe and be your own person again. You both became parents, and it’s only right that parenting is shared, too.

Start small, but start firm. Pick a weekend or a weeknight, and let your husband know in advance that you’ll be going out, not to run errands, but to do something just for you. A walk, a café visit, and reading in silence. Let him know clearly and kindly: “I’ll be heading out for a bit tomorrow, you’ll have the baby, here’s a checklist if you need it.” He’s not babysitting, he’s parenting. And just like you’re figuring it out as you go, so can he. Use this as a chance to talk about roles and what support looks like, where things feel uneven, and how to think as a team. It’s not you vs. him; it’s both of you vs. the problem. You’re on the same side, building something together.

Even an hour or two outside can shift your mood. It also gives him a real glimpse into your world. When both parents experience the stay-at-home role, even briefly, it opens the door to empathy. No breaks, no silence, no moment to exhale, and then that strange guilt when your partner walks in, and you feel like you can’t stop because he was at work all day. He needs to be reminded that you’ve also been working, just in a different way. And your work is just as important.

Try alternating lie-ins on weekends. You both need rest to show up well. If he resists going out, gently remind him you’ve been indoors all week and stepping out is essential for your well-being. If needed, suggest a compromise: one weekend you go solo, the next you go out together as a family. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, a stroll in the park, feeding ducks, a slice of cake and some coffee at a café. These quiet, simple moments can be surprisingly restorative. And as your baby grows, you can begin planning fuller days out. But for now, you can keep it light and easy.

You can start a small system: if one of you goes out or has time for yourself, the other gets the same later that week. It’s not about keeping score; it is about protecting each other’s sense of self. You’re both still whole people, not just parents.

It also helps to sit down together and read or watch something about postpartum recovery, mental load, or what changes after a baby. Choose something honest and evidence-based. Because often, men (and even we as women) don’t realise just how long recovery and adjustment take. That shared learning can open up space for more compassion and more realistic expectations about intimacy, housework, and emotional support.

And if it ever feels like too much, please don’t hesitate to seek help. Postpartum therapy, couples counselling, and even a support group can be powerful. Many couples have come through the hardest seasons stronger because they were brave enough to ask for support.

You can also reach out to local mum-and-baby groups, even virtual ones. A WhatsApp chat or a half-hour stroller walk with someone who gets it can do wonders. If your community or masjid offers support for new mums, those can be lifelines too.

Lastly, I want to say this: you’re doing more than enough, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Your sadness, frustration, and longing for ease, all of it, are seen by Allah. When the day feels long and lonely, whisper to Him: “Ya Allah, I feel stretched. Give me strength. Make this season one of growth, not loss. Fill my heart with peace, and bring barakah into our home.”

This stage won’t last forever, even if it feels like it does. But you deserve rest and support now, not just when things get better. May Allah ease your heart, strengthen your marriage, and send you the help you need, in every form it may come.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.