We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

---

Salaam Aunt Maya, I am a Muslim woman in my mid-30s and a divorcee. I like a man who is younger than me. Although I’m not entirely sure of his age, I’m quite sure the age gap may be around 10 years. I’ve reflected on this sincerely to identify the reason behind my interest in him. He is a practising Muslim who has appeared to be very conscious about leading a God conscious life, traits which I have been looking for in a potential spouse. However, I am also aware that there are societal and cultural barriers at play, and I am also concerned with being judged if I approach him regarding my interest in marriage. Also, being a divorcee carries its own baggage, which I’m aware may be an issue to him or his family. I think I should still be able to approach him in a mature way without making this awkward. But I don’t know how without making a complete embarrassment out of myself. Should I drop the idea entirely? Would really appreciate your thoughts and advice. Jazakallah Khairan.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for sharing something so personal. It’s clear that you’ve given this a lot of thought and that your intentions are sincere. Navigating feelings, especially when they don’t fit neatly into what’s culturally expected, can be complicated, and I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to reflect so honestly on where you stand.

It makes sense that you’re drawn to someone who appears sincere in his faith and grounded in his connection to Allah ﷻ. You’re also aware that age, divorce, and cultural expectations aren’t neutral factors. In many communities, a woman expressing interest in a younger man, especially as a divorcee, is still seen as unconventional, even though Islam doesn’t prohibit it. The example of Khadijah RA marrying the Prophet ﷺ despite being older and previously married remains deeply relevant, even if it’s not always honoured in our communities today.

You asked whether you should drop the idea altogether. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, but I do think it’s worth asking: would clarity bring more peace than uncertainty? If you’re confident that your interest is rooted in good character and compatibility, then it’s reasonable to consider exploring it further in a way that protects your emotional well-being.

You don’t have to approach him directly. If there’s someone you trust, a mutual acquaintance or friend or an elder of the family, who can raise the possibility discreetly, that could help preserve your dignity while opening the door. If he’s not in a place to pursue marriage, or if the age or other factors are a concern for him or his family, at least you’ll have your answer without carrying ambiguity.

If you don’t have a mutual friend you feel comfortable involving, and you’re not sure how to approach him directly, think about what kind of contact you already have with him. Have you interacted with him before, such as at work, in a class, at an event, or even just online? If so, you could consider a respectful and composed message that simply communicates your intention, without putting pressure on him. 

You could send a short written message expressing that you admire his character and are interested in exploring the possibility of marriage, but only if he is also open to that kind of discussion. You don’t need to share too much, just enough to be clear, while giving him the space to decline without discomfort.

If fear of embarrassment is keeping you stuck, it may help to pause and make du’a for clarity. Consider praying Istikhara, which is not just about asking for guidance; it’s about trusting that Allah will ease and reveal the path as you take steps forward. And remember, it’s not an embarrassment to express interest with adab and sincerity. If he’s not in a position to reciprocate, then at least you’ve honoured your own honesty and can move forward without the weight of ‘what if’.

I would also like to remind you that being a divorcee does not diminish your worth, nor your ability to find love, partnership, or stability. If anything, it may make you more attuned to what truly matters in a relationship.

Whatever you decide, know that approaching something with sincerity and sabr is never a loss. May Allah guide you to what is best and place ease, clarity, and barakah in every step you take. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

---

If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.