We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

---

Salam, Aunt Maya. I went on a trip recently with some friends, and it really hit me how different our financial situations are. They were spending freely on things I had to really think twice about, and since then, I’ve been feeling quite behind in life compared to them. I’m also slowly realising that a lot of people my age have had parents helping out by either paying off uni fees, helping with a mortgage deposit, or just giving them a cushion so they don’t start out in debt. Meanwhile, I feel like I’m doing everything on my own and starting from scratch. How do I stop myself from comparing my situation to theirs? It’s hard not to feel like I’m not where I should be “financially” at my age.

Maya Areem Responds:

 Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing in and being so open. 

When we compare finances with people simply because they are the same age, we forget that there are a lot of different factors at play when it comes to someone’s financial situation. This can include family safety nets, financial support from parents, privilege, class, responsibilities, the stage of your career and even health and capacity. Comparing based just on age misses out a lot of other circumstances of our lives in the wider context. 

Going on trips and spending extended time with friends can show financial disparities like you experienced. You mentioned that your friends have had help from parents, which can feel disheartening. It’s harder to ignore when you’re doing everything on your own and they have a safety net to rely on, whether it be support from parents, no debts or dependents or a better job. That anxiety is normal, especially in current times when there is a cost-of-living crisis and a global economic recession. This does not mean that you are “behind”. 

I know it’s easier said than done, but the first thing to remember is that comparison is the thief of joy. This is where it helps to step back and look at the bigger picture. It’s human nature to feel envious, but instead of asking “why don’t I have what they have?”, turn the focus inward to what you have, your values, your goals and what you can control. Where we think we “should” be financially or in life by a certain age is mostly a societal construct. We’re all on our own timelines, starting from different places, with different blessings written for us.

The Qur’an reminds us, “And do not crave what Allah has given some of you over others. ” (Surah An-Nisa 4:32)

Allah ﷻ also reminds us that everything in life is a test. In the end, He will not ask us why we didn’t have what others had; He will ask how we spent and cared for what we were given. And what we’re given is not only measured in money. Barakah comes in so many forms: good health, a good night’s sleep, time, wisdom, friendships, empathy and resilience, amongst many others. Those blessings are just as real as financial ones, and sometimes more valuable. 

Make du’a for barakah in what you have, for resources, energy and for your rizq to grow in ways that bring peace and joy. And then focus on your own goals and look forward. Even if you didn’t have the cushion that others got, you have time to build one for yourself. 

I understand that this won’t erase the sting of not having parental support, but it does mean you’re building a life rooted in self-reliance that will carry you much further. Don’t judge your success against other people’s timelines because everyone’s starting line is different. Instead, look back at your own and at how far you have come. With time, you can go even further, inshaAllah.

Keep striving, make du’a for barakah in what you have, and trust that Allah will guide your rizq and grant you peace and contentment.

Love + Du’as,

Aunt Maya

---

If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.