We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salam Aunt Maya, My phone use feels out of control, I reach for it every moment I’m free – first thing in the morning, scrolling through messages and emails, checking it hourly at work, watching something while I eat, scrolling late into the night. I’m constantly double-screening, and I know it’s a bad habit, and I know it’s messing with my sleep and my mental health, and I guess this is me trying to take a step to tackle it, so any advice would be appreciated. 

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing in, and it is really encouraging that you want to solve this. What you’ve described is an extremely common problem these days that many of us are facing. It may help to first name this for what it is: a phone addiction. Which many would argue that this is the intended consequence of how many apps and social media are designed for, taking as much of your time and attention, often in return for ad spend. These are the ills of big tech, and several policy and lobby groups are working against its harms. As our lives become more digitised, our phones fill every moment of our days, especially when we’re tired, bored, lonely, or overwhelmed. Remember, this is a multi-generational struggle rather than just an individual one, and I encourage you to start conversations with those around you, as our relationship with big tech also requires a cultural shift.

Firstly, like any addiction, pure willpower will not solve it and can end up making the person feel shame that they can’t just stop. We have tried to offer you a range of actions below, as different people may resonate with different strategies. 

The first thing to acknowledge is that right now, your phone is doing something for you. It might be filling silence, helping you switch off, or giving you easy dopamine. Maybe instead of thinking “I need to stop scrolling,” ask yourself: “What would I rather be doing with this time?” If you were to remove the phone from your life, what are the things you’d want to do more of? Our phone use across generations is often the thing stopping us from living a more intentional life.

The goal is to make your phone less tempting and your real life more interesting. If it’s nothing versus scrolling, scrolling will always win. You have to give your brain other options and repeat the alternative enough times that it becomes second nature or the default activity you choose. If you suspect you are addicted to the constant hit of dopamine offered by your phone, consider other ways to build satisfaction in your life. Can you take up a hobby or sports, where you can feel peaks of adrenaline?

The second thing is creating some friction between you and your phone use. You could also download screen-time limiting apps like Opal, Jomo or Freedom, as these are great for stopping mindless scrolling. They also give you quite stark data on how many hours of your life are going to phone use and the percentage of the day. For example, you may find that your screen use is 20 years of your life or something like 28% of your waking day.  It also helps to go through your apps and delete the ones that are draining your energy.  Some of these apps even let you put passcodes as an extra barrier and stop you from accessing social media. You can ask a friend or family member to set these passwords up, which can be a great deterrent and make a huge difference.

Try planning activity-filled weekends, so you’re not just sitting and scrolling. Buy an old-school flip phone to take when you are going out or meeting family and friends. This way, you won’t be tempted to scroll while hanging out with others and will be more present. 

Much of this is also about us rewiring our brains, which is why it feels like such a big feat. Remind yourself, you are allowed to be bored. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but boredom is how your brain relearns to enjoy other things. Endless scrolling is often a sign of burnout. If your days are full of responsibility, physical, mental or emotional labour, your phone becomes a coping mechanism or a way to switch off and distract your overstretched mind. Modern times have convinced us that we need to be endlessly productive, and social media constantly demands our attention. However, your body has rights over you, and rest is also much needed for your mind and body to recuperate.

Here are also some other options:

• Start with small steps. Choose one day each week, even half a day, where your phone is set aside. If you find that difficult, can you put your phone down for five minutes? Set a timer and do it. Repeat it a few times, then level up to 15 minutes, then 20, then 30. Tie it up to a reward or a treat you can give yourself for putting the phone away. 
• When you are home, try using your phone as a landline, e.g., put it somewhere away from reach (and a little inconvenient, like upstairs) and silence your notifications whilst keeping the ringer on loud for any calls you might receive. This way, you can’t absentmindedly reach for it whenever you have a second to spare.
• You could also turn off notifications or put your phone on Do Not Disturb or Aeroplane Mode after work. Constant alerts train our brains to reach for our phones before we even think. You can also make your phone less appealing by turning your screen to greyscale. It’s a small but surprising change, as when the colours go, the reels and shopping lose a lot of their pull. 
• When you are tempted to pick up the phone, try listening to a podcast or audiobook instead of watching something. This can free your hands while you do other things, like a craft or hobby, so the phone isn’t the main thing you are looking at.
• Many people also recommend removing social media and shopping apps from your home screen, or deleting them entirely and using browser-only access, as they can interrupt mindless habits.
• For nighttime, choose one day of the week where you allow yourself bedtime scrolling, but plan other nights in a way that can help you unwind and put yourself first. It could be taking a walk, bedtime yoga, stretching, reading a book, crafting, or any activity that is screen-free.
• Charge your phone away from your bed on the other side of the room. This one change can help break two habits at once: scrolling before sleep and first thing in the morning. If you need an alarm, use a clock or a watch.

Finally, make du‘a and ask Allah ﷻ to help you be present in your own life and protect you from laziness and procrastination. May Allah grant barakah in your time, energy and resources and help you live an enriched and abundant life. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.