We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salam Aunt Maya. My husband and I both work and pay our bills and other expenses through a joint account, except for personal expenses and Zakat, which we each pay individually. Recently, I got promoted and I am now earning more than him. Last week, he asked me to start contributing more towards the bills because, in his words, “I can and it’s fair.” I understand that we are sharing a life and building a future together, but this just doesn’t sit right with me. I’ve always lived within my means and had my own plans and goals for personal savings.  I understand that for others this feels like a workable scenario, but as Muslims, there is an expectation that the husband is the main provider, and I do hold that expectation. I worry that if I compromise on this, over time, I may lose respect for him. What should I do?

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing in and sharing your concerns. May Allah ﷻ grant barakah in your marriage. 

It is true that in Islam, the general understanding is that a woman’s earnings and assets are her own and that she is not obligated to contribute to household maintenance, as the husband is the main provider.  Shariah and Islamic scholars are clear that the man has the major (almost exclusive) financial responsibility for his nuclear family. 

Allah says in the Qur’an, “Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:34)

At the same time, many couples today approach finances as a shared responsibility, especially due to the current cost-of-living crisis, and your husband may be looking at the situation through that lens. Try to approach this as a joint problem to solve, and not who’s right or wrong.

The best thing to do would be to have an open conversation with your husband on short and long-term expectations in the marriage. It sounds like you share responsibility for bills and other expenses, and what is bothering you is the increased contribution you are being asked for, which doesn’t feel fair based on Islamic principles. 

The most important thing for a healthy marriage is good communication, and coming to a discussion from a place of understanding your partner’s point of view without getting defensive. Clarify to him that while you’re happy to contribute towards shared expenses, him being the main provider is important to you because that feels right to you, as a Muslim wife. You could also ask him what his views are on this to ensure you are on the same page. If he is on the same page as you, this sounds like it can be resolved with ease. However, if he is not, it may be necessary for you both to speak to someone knowledgeable to help mediate. 

If you feel comfortable, you could also offer a percentage of your increased income to support your shared goals, whether it’s saving for travel, a home, children, if you plan to have any, or building a retirement nest egg. This way, you can still have your own savings without resentment. This approach could also be more useful than simply adjusting your share of the bills, which you’re already comfortably covering with your previous salary.  

As time goes on, you’ll continue to grow, both as an individual and as a couple. Your needs, priorities, and goals as a family will evolve, too. What matters most is being respectful, transparent and honest with each other by keeping the lines of communication open. Remember, you’re both on the same team, working together toward a common solution. Financial planning and discussions are ongoing conversations in a marriage, and they naturally shift as life changes. 

May Allah grant you clarity and put barakah in both your incomes and your home. Ameen.

Love and duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.