We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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My husband decided to start a new business earlier this year, and he left his full-time job to focus on it completely. I’ve been supportive of his dream from the start, but lately, I’ve been feeling really anxious given the sheer amount of money being spent. My salary doesn’t even cover half of our monthly expenses, so we’ve been dipping into our savings to get by, as well as using that money to fund the business. It feels as though his personal ambition is now taking a hit on me, both financially but also mentally. I want to be supportive, and I think I am, but I am struggling with this feeling unstable. It’s been six months now, and he still hasn’t managed to secure an investor, and it’s playing on my mind a lot. We have three kids, and while he’s still hopeful, I can see that this is taking a toll on him too. I don’t want to discourage him, but I’m really worried about our finances and how long we can keep going like this. 

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. Starting a new business sounds really exciting, but requires a lot of courage and hard work, so well done to you and your husband for doing this. 

It sounds like you have tried your best to be supportive, but it is now coming at a literal and mental cost to you.

It makes sense that you’re feeling anxious right now; anyone would be overwhelmed in your situation. You’re feeling responsible for expenses, trying to support your husband’s dream, and looking after three children. That’s a lot for one person to manage. Financial worries can be all-consuming, especially when there feels like there is no clear end in sight and savings are dwindling. I want to acknowledge how much financial stress can impact us; it can show up as chronic stress.

Supporting your husband doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of your finances. While it is great that he is hopeful, it sounds like he needs to put some numbers up against the reality of the situation, especially as his personal decision is impacting the whole family. What you need right now is open communication and a plan. A marriage thrives when both partners are honest and communicate openly and respectfully. 

Talk to him, and share how you’ve been feeling. You could say, “I believe in what you’re building, but I’m worried about how long our savings can stretch. Can we please look at where we are financially and what our options are?” A business not working out is down to a number of factors, and it sounds like while you can recognise he is putting in the work and care about supporting him, it is just starting to be unworkable. Not all businesses work out, and it then becomes about being able to make decisions to reduce the impact of a business not working. 

You can also discuss some practical things like timelines. Has he given himself a deadline for when the business should start showing progress or when he might need to readjust course? How much of your savings are you both comfortable using, and what “stopping points” might look like if things don’t improve? Maybe ask him to consider taking on some part-time work to ease some pressure off you. A dream still needs structure to grow, especially when you have a family to take care of and bills to pay. 

This doesn’t mean you’re being unsupportive or that you don’t trust him. Reassure him that you still believe in him. You’re equal partners, and you both agreed to use your savings for something you believed in. Savings are there for times like these; this is simply a phase, and inshaAllah, you can rebuild them. 

Once you start talking, you might even find that he’s been thinking along the same lines. He likely feels the pressure just as much as you do. Sharing your worries could help him open up about his own. He might have been afraid or embarrassed to admit that it could be time to consider other options, because it’s never easy to face the possibility of pausing or redirecting something you’re passionate about. 

Also, remember that this is not a one-time conversation; it’s okay to reassess and reevaluate your situation once a month. Having knowledge and clarity of your finances can help alleviate your fears and stress.

Make dua that Allah opens the right doors and guides you both toward what is best. May Allah grant you ease, clarity, and barakah in your rizq. Ameen.

Love + Duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.