We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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One of my friends has recently left Islam. She’s never exactly been what you call religious, but I always thought that deep down, she had faith. She announced last week that she was no longer Muslim. I want to guide her back, but I don’t want her to think I completely disregarded what she said.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s situation and her struggle with the deen. May Allah ﷻ make it easy for her and guide her back to Him. This is such a difficult situation; it can be distressing when someone you care about walks away from Islam.

The fact that she has shared this with you shows she trusts you. Maybe try to understand how she got here. Are there specific practices that she disagrees with or has had incorrect information about? Did she feel distant from Allah and the deen? Sometimes people leave Islam because they felt alienated by the community, or were harmed by cultural expectations, or were deeply hurt by those who portray themselves as representatives of Islam. Some people make these decisions because of some kind of spiritual trauma, or they fell in with the wrong crowd and got influenced. Maybe before giving dawah, you might want to understand the root cause that led her to leave the deen and try and understand why with compassion.

This may also be really difficult for your friend to process and go through. I think the first thing to do is to simply check in on her regularly and offer support as you would to any friend who is going through a transition or difficult situation. She is still the same person whose kindness, humour, interests and personality drew you to her in the first place. She is going through something right now, and just like if someone close to you was going through any other personal crisis, the best thing you can do is show up for her and be there in whatever capacity she needs. If she wants to talk through her thoughts, feelings, doubts and questions, then offer to be there. Or maybe she just wants to watch a movie or grab a bite to eat like you normally would.

If you feel that speaking openly about Islam, asking about her misconceptions so you can clarify things for her, will help her, then perhaps do so, but if you sense it will push her further away, maybe hold back. Pray istikhara on the best approach, and ask Allah to guide you toward whatever will bring the most benefit. You can also ask your local Imam for advice on how to approach these conversations and how to give dawah slowly, appropriately and in a sensitive manner. 

For now, make dua for her sincerely, be there to support her emotionally and continue to be a part of her life so that, if nothing else, she can see a positive example of a Muslim. While we must surround ourselves with righteous friends, it is just as important that we also strive to be that righteous companion for others, asking Allah to keep our hearts firm and to guide those we care about.

Scholars advise that as Muslims, if we see another Muslim doing something wrong, we should advise gently three times, and then we can leave it and pray for them. It might leave you feeling helpless, especially when it can feel like a massive responsibility to help someone who has strayed, but we have to also remember that ultimately, hidayah is from Allah. Even the Prophet ﷺ couldn’t guide his beloved uncle to Islam.

Allah says in the Quran, “You surely cannot guide whoever you like ˹O Prophet˺, but it is Allah Who guides whoever He wills, and He knows best who are ˹fit to be˺ guided.” (Surah Al-Qasas 28:56)

Your friend’s journey is between her and her Lord, Who is closer to her than her jugular vein, Who knows every doubt in her heart, and Who doesn’t abandon His creations and guides us. Ultimately, we can only be a means, and even that is not guaranteed, as guidance is from Allah alone. If Allah wills her submission, she will turn back to Him, inshaAllah. 

At the same time, things like this can be difficult for you as well. I would advise you to look after your own spiritual inner state during this time, surround yourself with people who make it easy to follow Islam, be around things that keep your heart soft to the beauty of Islam, and most of all, ask Allah to protect your iman. Likewise, before we give dawah, and if a friend is coming to you with questions about Islam, I think it’s also important to make sure that our knowledge around fiqh and aqeedah matters is correct so that we can guide someone appropriately and be the kind of role model they might need. 

Lastly, keep making dua for her, specially during Tahajjud, and leave the rest to Allah. Trust that He has power over all things, including your friend’s heart. I know that waiting for change to come is the hardest part, but that’s where our tawakkul is tested most. Continue to be a source of comfort and joy in her life – and maybe something you do or say will inspire her to return to Allah. And even if not, you will have been a kind and genuine friend to someone who was going through a challenging time.

May Allah guide your friend to the right path and grant her peace. Ameen.

Love and duas,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.