TRIGGER WARNING: This article deals heavily with the issue of sexual abuse against children. If you or anyone you know has been affected, please scroll down to the bottom of this article where you can find organisations who can help.

A video has emerged online of a Muslim woman, Chelsea Stevenson sitting in her car, and tearfully recounting a difficult experience for her. She divulges how a close family member has sexually abused her two children. She then disclosed the process of how she sought help from the child protection services. It is a heartbreaking video, but it is an important one because it is bringing this conversation back to the forefront. Often we shy away from these conversations because they are difficult, distressing, uncomfortable to even think about let alone talk about. But, incidents like these happen, more often than we think – and it’s incredibly important that we inform ourselves and children on how best we can protect them.

https://www.facebook.com/chelsea.alycia/videos/2367663263259459/

What can we do?

The first thing we need to do is be aware – be aware of the fact that the abuser can be from within your family. It’s upsetting, horrifying and distressing to think about that someone within your family, someone you love could be capable of such a thing – but we need to face this fact, and not turn a blind eye.

Chelsea urges parents to take the time to talk to kids about safe and healthy touch.

“Follow your instincts if you feel something just isn’t right. Don’t ignore the possibility of child-on-child abuse. Encourage your kids to share with open and honest lines of communication. We can’t protect them from everything, but we can be their help and support if/when things go wrong.”

– Chealsea Stevenson, facebook

How do we broach the subject with our children?

Often we pressure our young children to kiss or hug other relatives, and they refuse or are hesitant and reluctant to. So then we push and coerce them to until they give in. What this does is it erodes their bodily autonomy – it teaches them that even if they are feeling uncomfortable if someone insists enough they must comply with what they are being told to do. We have to teach children that they have a right to control what happens to and with their bodies. If they are not feeling comfortable with even hugging or kissing someone, then we must respect that and allow them to make that decision. It will allow them to be sure of themselves and their feelings.

Above all, we need to remind children that they always have the right to say no – we must be careful we don’t take this away from them.

The NSPCC has launched a campaign, called ‘Talk PANTS’ and features a dinosaur  character called ‘Pantasauros’, to help introduce your child to talking about their body and what to do if they are feeling worried;

“Talking PANTS teaches children important messages, like their body belongs to them and they should tell an adult if they’re upset or worried.”

(NSPCC – Talk PANTS campaign)

They have created an acronym to help children understand in simple terms;

P – Private parts are private.

A – Always remember your body belongs to you.

N – No means no.

T – Talk about secrets that upset you.

S – Speak up someone can help.

There are also more resources from that campaign about how to talk to your children about difficult subjects like this, and strategies you can use to create a better talking and listening environment between you and your child.

Find out more details about the Talk Pants campaign here.

There is also a book called ‘I said no!’ a kid to kid guide to keeping your private parts private, by Kimberly King.

From a child’s perspective, it uses illustrations and child-friendly language to help them understand and deal with a whole which aims to help children understand how to set boundaries for themselves, and how to deal with different issues such as threats, bribes, and what to do when adults don’t listen to you. [amazon text=You can find the book on Amazon here&asin=1878076493].

Who can help?

Organisations that can help with talking to children about keeping them safe:

• NSPCC PANTS rule
• ChildLine  

Organisations that can provide  support if your child has been abused:

• NSPCC
• ChildLine
• MOSAC
• Rape Crisis
• NAPAC (National Association for People Abused as Children)

It is difficult and heartbreaking, God forbid any child or family goes through this, but the fact of the matter is that countless children have been sexually abused, and there are many adults now who have been abused as children in the past. We need to keep talking and get to the root of why this is happening. There is a lot of dialogue about what we can teach children to keep themselves safe, and how we can keep them safe as adults, but there is not enough being done to prevent perpetrators committing these crimes in the first place. This can only be done if we keep the conversation going.

“We MUST believe the victims, support the victims, and encourage the victims in their walk towards healing. But not only that. We MUST also do the things that are necessary to see that offenders are faced with consequence for their actions.

I hope that in raising my voice, some others will be empowered to do the same.

When we silence ourselves about offenders, they get to walk away like nothing has happened. They get to continue with life. They get to, sadly, continue to operate in ways that harm others.

But when we break that silence? SubhanAllah.

I imagine a world where I don’t have to worry about someone judging my children for what happened TO them. I imagine one where instead the eye is cast upon the abuser, and where these people instead are the ones to harbor the shame and the guilt. That’s the world I hope to shape for my babies – our babies.

Thank you for listening and for your encouragement. It means so much to be heard.”

– Chelsea Stevenson, facebook