If you’ve subscribed to our newsletter, you know we have an exclusive Agony Aunt segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

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Last week, one of you sent in a question wanting to know whether a friendship is over, requires some distance or some effort on your part. Read Aunt Maya’s response here and subscribe to our newsletter to get Aunt Maya’s advice on everything from love to spirituality and friendship in your inbox every single Friday.

We knew it was time to turn to the Amaliah Community and ask for your advice on the red flags to look out for in a friendship and as always, you came through with your stellar observations.

Click through to read all the responses here: 

👯‍♀️ How can you tell if a friendship is toxic? What are the red flags to look out for?

QT with your answers ✨

— A M A L I A H (@Amaliah_Tweets) July 16, 2022

You are not being treated right:

1. They are only around when they need something 
2. They’re not there for you when you need support or someone to vent to 

3. Expecting you to solve their personal problems and worry about their issues as much as your own while they don’t offer you nearly the same level of concern, and getting offended if you’re too busy. https://t.co/BWga9x6u0a

   — أسمو🕊 (@lilyofthewadi) July 17, 2022

4. When they keep giving you bad, potentially sabotaging advice 
5. They gaslight you 
6. They lash out at you and blame it on mood swings
7. They backbite about others to you
8. They backbite about you to your other friends
9. You’re sensing passive aggressive behaviour
10. You’re sensing surface level interest in your life
11. You’re being belittled
12. They are constantly cancelling on plans that you make the effort on 
13. Everything feels one-sided
14. They are constantly victimising themselves 
15. They are not happy for your good news

16. constant one-upmanship. you tell them you’re sad? they’re devastated. you got promoted? they’re about to become king of their company. you cooked pasta? they’re going to italy to study under the last surviving pasta master https://t.co/AUyip2thwY

    — Hashashin (@HashashinTag) July 16, 2022

17. They are constantly making jokes at your expense
18. They give you backhanded compliments
19. They use you as a therapist 
20. They do not make an effort to communicate 
21. They constantly pick on your faults
22. They take advantage of you 
23. They are always fighting with other friends or don’t have any

24. 🚩 Feeling drained or tired after meeting up with them or even when you’re about to get there
    🚩 one upping
    🚩letting you down
    🚩breaking promises/trust
    🚩no communication
    🚩not putting effort in
    🚩when they message always thinking, do I have to respond to this https://t.co/G888ChFp5f

    — Salma (@lifeisasentence) July 17, 2022

25. They ask very personal questions and get angry when you don’t answer
26. They don’t give you any space
27. They are obsessed with everything you do

They refuse to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner

1. They shift all the blame on you when you try to talk things out
2. They refuse to talk things out with you 
3. They refuse to accept their own wrongdoings
4. They pretend to be overly attached to someone as “revenge replacement” during fallouts

Your soul is at unease

1. Y’all really making an uncomplicated topic very complicated.

   When you hang out with a friend and you feel good = good friend.

   When you hang out with a friend and feel bad/drained = dump that friend https://t.co/qHinLB85KJ

   — Jibby (@JibbyD) July 16, 2022

2. When your nervous system goes haywire at the mention of the person. Pay attention to your body! 
3. You are constantly doubting yourself
4. Your self-esteem plummets
5. You have to mentally prepare yourself to be around them 
6. You are more anxious than excited to see them 
7. You have panic attacks at the idea of meeting them
8. You don’t feel comfortable expressing your opinions in front of them
9. You don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings with them
10. You are on edge around them 
11.  You feel drained after seeing them

12. Just trust your instincts and if they are repeatedly telling you “ditch him/her” then do it. I cut off someone I’d been friends with for over 20 years a few years ago after I stopped making excuses for him. You’ll feel better afterwards. Trust me. https://t.co/eocgrBDXyD

    — The Caliph (@GleamingRazor) July 17, 2022