We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis, and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues, including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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A close family friend recently found out that the man she had been engaged with is somewhat of a predator. I feel a lot of things; anger, unsafe, etc. I want to know what our Islamic responsibility is in letting it be known that he is a bad character in the community. I would hate what happened to my friend to happen to anyone else, where is the line between warning others and backbiting? Also, I am worried she won’t be believed, how do we even go about making it known in our local communities, we live in a highly populated Muslim area, so it is plausible he could just move to another target.

Maya Areem responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

I’m so sorry to hear about the difficult situation your friend is in, and I can sense the weight of your concern and frustration. I hope your friend is doing okay and getting the help she needs to process this. Your feelings of anger and unease are completely valid. What you’ve described is an incredibly tough situation that can have serious consequences for your and your friend’s safety and well-being.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that the one who conceals the faults of others will have their own faults concealed on the Day of Judgment (Muslim), but this only applies when the fault is personal and doesn’t affect others’ safety. 

Backbiting is speaking ill of someone without a valid reason. Imam Nawawi mentions in Riyadh as-Salihin that an exception to backbiting is when you are warning someone of potential harm, such as bad character, in matters of marriage, business, or similar situations. It is permissible to mention someone’s faults if the purpose is to protect others. In these cases, your responsibility to protect takes precedence because when there’s a risk to the wider community, concealing those faults could lead to greater harm. 

There is also a well-known hadith where Fatimah bint Qays (may Allah be pleased with her) consulted the Prophet ﷺ about two marriage proposals. One of the men was known to have a bad character, and the Prophet ﷺ openly warned her: “As for Abu Jahm, he does not put his stick down from his shoulder (meaning he beats women)” (Sahih Muslim). This hadith shows that safeguarding others, especially in situations like marriage or when safety is at risk, takes precedence over everything else.

The key, though, is the intention—our intention should be to protect, not to gossip or damage reputations unnecessarily. Avoid embellishments and stick to what is necessary for others to know, ensuring that your intentions remain pure. By focusing on facts and only sharing what is essential, we avoid crossing that line. 

You are right to worry about your friend being believed, and unfortunately, this is a common challenge many women face when speaking out. One way to support her is to help gather any evidence she may have, even if it’s just her testimony and the testimonies of others who may have witnessed his behaviour. Even small patterns of harmful actions can serve as proof. If there are digital or written records (such as messages or emails), these could help substantiate her claims.

In terms of how to approach this, consider speaking with your friend’s mother and sharing your concerns. If you feel that is not going to be productive, given that you are in a tightknit community, are there relevant, trusted community figures you can speak to, such as your local imam or family elder, who may have influence and the ability to discreetly spread the warning? It might also be worth considering whether there are male allies who can step in to have these conversations, helping to protect both you and your friend from the backlash that can, unfortunately, arise. They can act as mediators, ensuring that the warning is shared appropriately without escalating the situation or putting you and your friend at risk. This approach maintains confidentiality while still safeguarding others from potential harm. When warning others, it’s important to focus on the facts. You don’t need to share every detail, but enough to keep others safe.

It might also be useful to reach out to a local women’s online support group or organisation that focuses on women’s safety and can help advocate for her. These networks often have the experience to advise on how to handle delicate matters and may be able to help amplify your friend’s voice. They can also offer support if the issue becomes more public within your community.

Remember, your intention here is to prevent further harm, and Allah ﷻ knows what is in your heart. Seek His ﷻ guidance through du’a and continue supporting your friend with kindness and empathy.

May Allah ﷻ grant ease and wisdom as you navigate this, and protect your community from harm.

Love + Du’as

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.