We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salam Aunt Maya. I’ve been married for seven years, and there’s no big drama—no fights, no abuse, no cheating, nothing like that. But over time, I’ve realised that my husband and I have just grown into completely different people. We don’t share the same interests or goals anymore, and it feels like we’re more like roommates than partners. How can we fix this?

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum

Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. It sounds like you’re in a space that’s both confusing and difficult, where nothing is particularly wrong, but things don’t feel right either. I want to start by acknowledging that what you’re feeling is a concern that many couples face after years of marriage, and it’s important to recognise that it’s perfectly normal for relationships to go through these phases.

When you’ve been married for a while, life can take on a certain rhythm—work, responsibilities, the routine of it all, and before you know it, you can start to feel more like roommates than partners. The key here is to view this not as an end but as a signal that your relationship needs some intentional nurturing. You mentioned that you feel like different people now, and that’s not surprising. People grow and change, and marriage needs to evolve with that growth rather than fight against it. Before jumping to any conclusions, consider this as a new season in your relationship. It sounds like you need to get to know these new versions of each other, which can be an exciting journey to revive the marriage. Being intentional in spending time together and rediscovering your connection could bring fresh energy into your relationship.

Have you had a chance to talk to your husband about how you’re feeling? Does he feel the same way? 

It might be helpful to start by having an open conversation with your husband. Let him know how you’re feeling. You might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about how much we’ve both changed over the years, and I wonder if we can find new ways to reconnect.” This might encourage him to share how he’s been feeling, too. Often, these conversations lead to insights we didn’t expect as both parties realise they’ve been feeling a little lost but didn’t know how to bring it up.

If your husband disagrees or doesn’t see the need for change, that can be disheartening, but it’s not necessarily a dead end. It’s important to remain calm and patient in these moments. You can say that you’re sharing your feelings to strengthen the marriage, not to criticise him. Sometimes, it takes time for a partner to understand the importance of what’s being discussed, and gentle persistence can help.

Additionally, be mindful of external distractions that may have seeped into your marriage. Whether it’s work, kids, or even social media, these can all shift focus away from the relationship. Try to set aside regular time, without distractions, just for the two of you. Whether that’s a weekly date night or simply a conversation over dinner, making your marriage a priority is key.

Growing apart in marriage can be tough, but focusing on the beauty of your differences can help. Instead of allowing those differences to create a divide, view them as opportunities to connect. Thinking “my way is better” only leads to judgement. It’s okay to have different interests and ways you want to spend time. Don’t be afraid to embrace your differences; sometimes, it’s through exploring each other’s interests that the relationship becomes richer. 

Trying to find commonality and things you enjoy together or want to share can be meaningful. It’s okay to have different interests, but if you explore new activities, you might discover that you both love doing something entirely different together, like hiking, taking up pottery or doing a workout. Doing something small together can also go a long way in reconnecting with your spouse. When the usual activities feel a bit stale, try finding something new that excites both of you, even if it’s out of your comfort zone. Whether it’s a hobby, an experience, or even a small routine like a weekly walk, the goal is to create new memories together. It doesn’t have to be grand or complicated, as the intention behind it is what matters. These shared experiences can serve as great conversation starters and help keep the dialogue flowing.

Lastly, don’t hesitate to talk openly about the drift you feel, framing the conversation with love and hope for reconnection. Acknowledge that it’s natural to grow apart but also that you both have the power to grow back together with intention and effort.

May Allah ﷻ grant you ease and love in this journey. Ameen

Love + Du’as,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.