We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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My dad isn’t religious at all, and it makes me upset. He doesn’t pray at all and doesn’t give zakat. I feel horrible for my mum because she deserves better. I don’t know what to do to encourage him because he gets angry quite quickly.

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

It’s difficult watching a parent neglect their connection with Allah ﷻ. Your feelings are understandable, and so is feeling protective of your mum. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot on your shoulders.  May Allah reward you for caring so deeply.

But I want to remind you gently: guidance is ultimately in the hands of Allah. As He tells us in the Qur’an:

“You surely cannot guide whoever you like ˹O Prophet˺, but it is Allah Who guides whoever He wills, and He knows best who are ˹fit to be˺ guided.” (Surah Al-Qasas 28:56)

This isn’t a failure on your part, human beings aren’t in control of someone else’s faith. What you can do is lead by example. Keep praying, keep giving in charity, and let your actions speak. Sometimes, a consistent practice of Islam can be a quiet da’wah in and of itself. And even if your dad seems uninterested or dismissive, your job isn’t to force change, it’s to embody the reminder. 

“So ˹always˺ remind ˹with the Quran˺—˹even˺ if the reminder is beneficial ˹only to some.” (Surah Al-A’la 87:9) 

You do your part, and leave the outcome to Allah. And most importantly, keep making dua. Allah is the Changer of hearts (Ya Muqallib al-Qulub). If He wills, even the hardest of hearts can soften, and the most distant of people can return. We’ve all heard stories where a single du’a, or a single moment, changed someone’s life.

It’s also worth recognising that people are complex. Your dad’s anger might come from inner pain, shame, or a complicated relationship with religion. He may carry regrets he doesn’t know how to voice. When people feel judged, even unintentionally, they often lash out or shut down. That doesn’t make it easier, but it does make it more understandable. 

It’s okay to feel let down by him. And it’s okay to take a step back if his behaviour is taking a toll on your mental health. Islam doesn’t ask us to sacrifice our well-being in the name of obedience. You can honour your dad, stay present, and protect your peace all at once. Not every moment has to be a reminder, and not every conversation needs to revolve around religion. Sometimes, preserving the relationship quietly and gently is more powerful than confronting. That way, if he ever reaches for change, he’ll know you’re someone he can turn to without fear of judgement.

I would also encourage you to consider how your own good deeds can be a form of Sadaqah Jariyah for your father. It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “When a person dies, all their good deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity (Sadaqah Jariyah), beneficial knowledge, and a righteous child who prays for them.” (Sunan An-Nasa’i)

In His infinite mercy, Allah ﷻ has provided us with many ways to earn reward and draw closer to Him. Perhaps you can be a means of forgiveness for your father and I pray that this brings you a sense of peace.

As for your mum, she may have come to terms with his choices in her own way. She’s been living with this reality for a long time. Be there for her, support her, but don’t carry her hurt on top of your own. You’re not responsible for holding the emotional weight of their marriage.

It’s important to accept that some people change, some don’t. But no matter how much you love your father, Allah’s love for him is greater. And His mercy far outweighs ours. So trust in that mercy, and pour your heartbreak into du’a.

Remember, we don’t choose our parents. But we can choose how to live with their flaws, protect our own peace, and soften our sadness with trust in Allah’s mercy. Your job is simply to remind, with compassion. Whether or not your father accepts it is between him and Allah. And Allah, who sees all things, sees your quiet efforts too.

May He accept your deed of reminding your father. May He guide him back gently. And may He place peace in your heart, knowing that you have done all you can. 

Love + Du’as,

Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.