We know that Amaliah is like a Big Sis and sometimes our DMs have been filled with requests for advice on a range of life issues including relationships, friendships or work troubles.

We have started a new segment where we field dilemmas from the community and answer them as frankly as we can with love, truth and honesty.

Need some advice on a dilemma? Send them all here!

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Salam. I’ve always enjoyed hosting and spending time with my friends; it’s my love language. But things have changed since I got married. We live with my in-laws to save money for our own place, and while they are respectful and not intrusive, my friends seem hesitant to come over because they feel uncomfortable with the presence of my in-laws. Meeting my friends outside is getting expensive, and I feel bad for always relying on their hospitality. I feel lost and unsure about where I belong. I can’t invite anyone to my parents’ house since it’s not my home anymore, and no one visits me at my in-laws. It leaves me wondering—where is my home? Where do I truly fit in? How can I manage these feelings of isolation and create a space where I feel like I truly belong?

Maya Areem Responds:

Asalamu Alaykum,

It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation where you’re trying to balance multiple things at once—your love for hosting, the desire to stay connected with friends, and the reality of living with your in-laws. I want to reassure you that your feelings are valid. Marriage often brings shifts in our relationships and routines, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose the parts of yourself that make you feel whole.

It’s not often spoken about, but many women find themselves in this quiet space of uncertainty after marriage, hovering between the life they once knew and the one they are building. The feeling of not knowing where you belong is heavy, especially when the places that once felt like home no longer do, and the new space you occupy doesn’t quite feel like yours yet. But home is more than a physical space—it’s a feeling of ease, of knowing you can be fully yourself without shrinking to fit in. That ease takes time to settle in, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. 

Instead of waiting for home to feel familiar, perhaps the question to hold close is: What makes a place feel like home to me? Small rituals, familiar scents, a corner of the house that reflects you. These things can help you claim space in the life you’re living now, rather than seeing it as just a waiting place.

It’s important to remind yourself that your in-laws’ home is your home as well. When they welcomed you in, it was an affirmation that this is now your space too, not just a place you’re passing through. As a family member, you have just as much right to feel comfortable there. Of course, it’s natural to be mindful and considerate of others, timing, noise levels, and general respect, apply just as they would if you were living with your own parents. But that doesn’t mean you should hold back from inviting friends over or enjoying your home the way you’d like to.

It might help to have a chat with your close friends about this. Sometimes people hesitate because they don’t want to impose, but if your in-laws are kind and non-intrusive, let your friends know they don’t need to feel uncomfortable. Reassure them that you’re happy to host and that they are welcome in your space. Maybe start with something low-key, like a brunch or an afternoon tea—gatherings that feel relaxed and don’t require late nights or loud energy. This way, both you and your friends can ease into the new dynamic without pressure.

It’s also worth considering whether your husband’s friends come over. You two could plan a small dinner together and invite a handful of your friends and his—maybe even a few couples you both enjoy spending time with. This way, you can blend your social lives and make hosting feel less like a one-person job. It also ensures that you’re both contributing to the vibe of your home.

If home-hosting still feels tricky, perhaps you can reimagine what hosting looks like. Could you create small moments of togetherness in other ways? Perhaps by hosting a cozy night at a friend’s house—taking care of everything from décor and setup to food and cleanup (with their permission, of course)—or planning a casual get-together at a park? This way, you’re still sharing your love language without the weight of hospitality always falling on others.

You might also find it beneficial to look for other ways to connect with your friends. Perhaps you can plan meetups outside the house, like a walk in the park or a casual gathering at a coffee shop. That way, you’re not always the one hosting, and it takes some pressure off while still allowing you to nurture those relationships.

Finally, make du’a for ease and patience through this transition. Insha’Allah, things will fall into place as you navigate this new chapter.

Love + Duas,
Aunt Maya

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If you would like some wisdom from Aunt Maya, send in your problems here! Please note Aunt Maya may consult the opinion of others from time to time and ask the Amaliah community for their advice too. Aunt Maya is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional.