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We asked our audience to share their love stories, tales of chance meetings, intentional steps, and everything in between. What came back was a mosaic of experiences, each unique yet equally exciting. Some spoke of stolen glances that turned into lifetimes together, others of introductions carefully arranged by family, and many of friendships that slowly unfolded into love.

This is our third story.

Please note that these stories are not for giving advice and are about documenting the lives of Muslim women who got married 🧡

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Sana & Sayed

How did you and your husband first meet? 

My husband and I had a traditional arranged marriage in 2014. A family friend sent his biodata to my family. It seemed like a good proposal, i.e. he had a degree and a good job and was of a good family background. My biodata (kind of like a marriage CV), was then passed on to his family, and an initial meeting was set up.

How was your first meeting? Where did it take place?

We met in a coffee shop in my hometown to make it an informal and relaxed setting for both of us. He came down with his big brother and sister, and I went along with my brother and his wife. After the families made introductions, we were allowed half an hour on our own. We asked each other basic questions about our jobs, our likes, dislikes and hobbies.  

Everyone seemed happy after this meeting, so we arranged a formal meeting so that the two families could meet. The elders of my family were invited to their house to meet his family. After that, his family came down to our family home. 

Following this, we exchanged numbers but spoke only a handful of times. After that, I agreed to go ahead with the marriage, and so did he.  

What was your first impression?

He seemed like a nice guy. Nothing untoward. But it was incredibly overwhelming for me as I was so nervous. This was my first time meeting a guy for marriage prospects, so I had no idea what to talk about or what to say or what I was looking for.  I had never had a relationship before or male friends, so talking to this random stranger for marriage was scary to say the least.

How many times did you meet in person before marrying?

We met two times – once at the coffee shop and once when he came to my house with his family. Then we agreed to get married after that. The third meeting was our engagement party, and the fourth meeting was the wedding! 

Was your husband your first serious and only relationship? 

Yes, it was. 

How old were both of you when you met?

I was 26 and he was 29. 

How long after the meeting did you get married?

We met in February 2014 at the initial meeting, second meeting in March 2014, engagement in April 2014 and wedding in August 2014. 

When looking for a partner, what was the one thing you were looking for?

I wanted a good, honest person that I could just settle down with. I didn’t really have any specific requirements other than for him to have a similar background to me in the sense that he had a university degree and a decent job, and was of a good family background. 

How did you know you would get married to your current husband? Did you know?

I did Istikhara and had no bad feelings after the initial two meetings. At the time, I wanted to settle down, and I did not want to go to the trouble of looking at loads of different proposals. My family all seemed happy with him and his family, so there was really no reason for me to say no. 

I think I was looking for security at the time, but I didn’t realise it. My mum had passed away in 2012, so subconsciously I was looking for security from a partner and marriage, and somewhere to settle down. My husband and his family offered me the security I was looking for, so I just said yes. 

What are your thoughts on pre-marital counselling?

Pre-marital counselling is a good idea to prepare both spouses for the reality of marriage. I don’t think people realise what it is like to be married – there are so many ups and downs. It could be one thing to help both spouses prepare for the difficulties and challenges that they will face.

Do you feel like your perception of love changed before you got married versus after you got married?

I had never been in love in a romantic sense before marriage, so I can’t really compare before and after marriage. But after marriage, my perception of love has changed.

It wasn’t something that was there at the start of my marriage, as my husband and I were virtually strangers to each other, but I feel like it is something that has grown over time between the two of us.

What are three red flags (concerns) Muslim women should look out for?

Any kind of abusive or controlling behaviour – emotional, physical or mental.

What are three green flags (good qualities) Muslim women should look out for?

A man who can stand up for his wife and has her back, and does not just follow what his mum and family say. 

A man who takes care of you and respects you and your feelings. 

What advice would you give a single Muslim woman looking to get married?

• Be open-minded and look at the bigger picture – not just the here and now.  
• You will not find the perfect partner. That does not exist. Remember, you are not perfect yourself, so how can you expect someone else to be perfect too? 
• People change (you can’t change a person, though; it is something that comes from them).  
• I think as long as a person has the basic building blocks or things that they are looking for in a partner, then that is something you can work on.   
• Know what you are looking for.
• Be upfront with any potential spouses about what you want and what you are looking for. Set out your expectations before you agree to anything. 

Are you still married to this partner?

Yes, we have been married 8 years now and have two children. 

Before we wrap up, is there anything else you would like to add, or do you think is important for us to know?

Some marital advice:

• Marriage is hard work and not some fairytale Bollywood romance movie.
• When you get married, you are living with another person. It’s almost as if they are holding up a mirror showing you your true self, including all the ugly parts of your character and vice versa. I feel like that’s a hard pill for people to swallow because people don’t like to admit that they have faults or are in the wrong. 
• Don’t project your own issues onto your spouse – know thyself first.
• Marriage will not fill that hole or emptiness you have inside yourself and give you happiness. You think that once you find your life partner, that’s it, you will be happy forever. Nope, nope and nope. You need to build your own self as a whole person – your spouse will not fill that gap in you.
• Have outside interests other than your spouse. Space is good. At the same time, do some things together. There needs to be a good balance.
• Communication is key. People are not mind readers. Tell your spouse how you are feeling, do not expect them to just realise. 
• Don’t be financially dependent on your husband just in case your marriage falls apart.