Even thinking about the process of getting married can seem daunting sometimes, there seems like there so much that needs to be understood and navigated. How do you determine whether someone is the right person for you or not? Sometimes asking the right questions gets us to a point where we can be certain of our decisions. What sort of things should you be discussing with or asking your potential spouse about in premarital conversations?
Here is a list of 53 questions to start you off!
- What is your purpose in life and how is this marriage going to help you fulfill it?
- Tell me about your family.
- What is your expectation of a wife in regard to her relationship with your family?
- What are a few things that you would expect her to do?
- How do you save money? How will being married impact on your finances?
- What do you perceive as the ideal husband-wife dynamics?
- What is your ideal timeline for marriage and children?
- How do you react when you get angry?
- What is your biggest fear?
- What are your pet peeves?
- What was the biggest obstacle you faced in life and how has it affected you?
- What is the one thing you cannot stand in life?
- What are the most important values to you?
- What is your biggest fear about marriage?
- If you fall out with me or are really annoyed with something I did, how would you address it?
- If I’m unhappy about something you did, how would you want me to approach you?
- To what extent to do you expect your wife to consult with you on decisions? If you disagreed with something your wife was doing or planning to do, how would you address this?
- Are you willing to commit time, patience, enthusiasm and loyalty to the relationship?
- Will you be contributing an element of reason and maturity?
- Will you be more mindful of taking your rights or giving them?
- According to the Quran, spouses have the right to expect closeness and companionship, love and mercy from each other. Do you have the generosity of spirit to give and receive all that?
- What do you want in your wife?
- What do you not want in your wife?
- If I had to ask your friends to describe you in one word, what would that be?
- Do you wake up to pray Fajr on time?
- What is the relationship between you and your family?
- Have you had any previous relations? (If you’re not comfortable answering this, leave it, it’s calm.)
- Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Any goals you’d like to accomplish?
- What do you like most about yourself?
- What do you not like about yourself?
- Do you like to read in general?
- If you pursued further study, did you like what you studied or did you want to study something else?
- How do you spend your day in detail?
- How much time do you spend watching TV? What is your opinion on TV?
- If you had some extra time to do what you want, what would you do?
- Do you like doing voluntary work?
- What is the role of the deen (religion) in your life? What priority does it take?
- What are the roles of a husband and a wife? Does the wife have to obey the husband?
- How do you handle disagreements?
- Do you get angry often? How do you express your anger?
- What’s the best way to treat a lady according to the Quran and Sunnah? How should one NOT treat a lady according to the noble teachings of the messenger?
- How do you intend to raise your children so that they are spiritually nourished and fulfilled?
- How would you make dawah with family members (yours or mine) who are not practicing? Do you have patience and forbearance?
- Do you intend to grow in deen with me?
- Are you willing to grow with me, help me, teach me, and learn from me?
- Do you have a vision of what a perfect wife should be, and do you expect to simply demand this vision with no errors tolerated?
- How will you aid me in my spiritual journey and my entire well-being?
- Who are the sheikhs/scholars you most often listen to? What are the sources you rely on for Islamic knowledge, etc.?
- How do you deal with the opposite gender at work/school, etc.?
- What is your understanding of matters like lowering the gaze, jealousy, etc.?
- What are your dreams for the Ummah, and how do you plan on working towards benefiting the Ummah?
- What exactly do you need in a husband?
- What exactly do you want to avoid in a life partner (honestly and clearly)?
Obviously, not every question is going to suitable for you—it also all depends on what you feel comfortable asking, but this list is a good place to start!
What sort of questions would you ask?
More Relationships Content by Amaliah
A ‘TWO SENSE’ , special episode on the #amaliahpodcast. Selina, Nafisa and Sara sit down to hash out and unpack interviews that we’ve conducted with 11 Muslims about dating, finding the one and if getting married is luck or effort, in true Two Sense style.
We’re looking forward to hearing what people make of the conversations we’ve had! Thank you to everyone who helped make this episode possible, including; Raifa, Saima, Ayo, Mohammed, Deryn, Lukman, Zinah, Faima, Ruqaiya, Nuriddeen and Faatimah. We pray you all benefit from something in here.